SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Winners announced

Thematic Songwriting Competition - recurrence: monthly
kc23
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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Submissions until 24-02-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET

Post by kc23 » Sat Feb 24, 2018 11:53 pm

Hi

Posting this right now, so I´m still on time... don´t want to get another warning!! ;)


https://www.dropbox.com/s/e8xy9l1vuwha0 ... r.wav?dl=0

will update shortly with mp3 and text.

Update:

mp3:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/6wub2sfur4rab ... r.mp3?dl=0


So...

this one comes with a bit of story...

This is the first song idea I ever had... some thirty years ago! of course, it was very different... acoustic guitar... other chords... other lyrics, same story... recorded it on a tascam 4track... bounced a lot! hehe good times!

Years wen´t by, and suddenly the idea came again... but with a very different form. That form is basically what you hear now. The work name has always been the day it poured out... 18 08 2007 (renamed it a minute before posting it), so by now the song as you hear it has more than ten years.

Re-recorded guitars and bass for this. Voices are the same ones I recorded in 07, haven´t sung in as many years and would have done (a lot!) more harm than good. The drums I assembled from a recording for another song... then added samples. Just finished remixing.


About the music, it´s kind of a fusion between 70´s rock and peruvian folk. Even the solo soud is sort of my interpretation of peruvian "cumbia" hehe! At that time I was kind of investigating the subject...

About the lyrics... It´s the story of a comet and a little star, and their struggle to get out of the path laid out... to escape... to rebel.

So, here are the lyrics in spanish and a translation I just did... disclaimer: I have even less poetic resources in english, so I know it´s not pretty!

Hopefully you can give a listen to the song within this context.


Sorry for the long post.


Bye!


Cometa que surcando vas
la noche oscura

blanco por fuera te ves
pero azul en tu interior

cual tu destino será?
adónde vas? no sabes bien ni dónde estás!

Una estrellita que vio
triste le dijo:
"yo estoy aquí en mi lugar,
parpadeo si me ves...
pero fíjense en mí!
cansada estoy de tintinear
por favor líbrenme de mí!"

La estrellita vió al cometa y le hizo oir su voz:
"Sácame de este sistema, no quiero parpadear...
quiero un fulgor!"

El cometa vió a la estrella y pensó:
"Yo estoy dentro de esta blanca estela
y no puedo hacer nada...
no puedo hacer nada..
soy azul y estoy dentro
y no puedo hacer nada...
soy un preso en mi interior!"

=0=

Se estiró el cometa y su estela
blanca alcanzó
"Quién lo diría! yo siempre tuve el poder!"

El cometa vió a la estrella y le hizo oir su voz:
"Si tú lo intentas y yo lo intento...
y lo estoy logrando! y ya casi puedo!"

La estrellita, viendo al cometa
ella también ahora lo intenta!

y de tanto tratar salieron al fin!

y se dobló la noche
y fué un día feliz!


======

Comet riding across
the dark night

white on the outside you seem
but blue inside you are

what could your destiny be?
Where do you go? You don´t even know well where you are!

A little star that he saw
sadly said to him:
"Here I am in my place,
I´ll wink if you see me!
but do take a look at me...
tired of twinkling I am
please get me free... from myself! "

The little star looked at the comet and she made him hear her voice:
"Get me out of this system, I do not want to twinkle...
I want to shine with a steady glow!"

The comet looked at the star and then he thought:
"I am inside of this white trail
and there is nothing I can do...
there is nothing I can do...
I am blue and I am inside
and there is nothing I can do...
I'm a prisoner inside of me! "

= 0 =


The comet stretched out and his white trail he reached!
"Who could have said it? The power was always within me!"

The comet looked at the star and he made her hear his voice:
"If you try... and I try ...
and I'm already doing it! and I´m almost there!"

The little star, seeing the comet
now she also starts to try and try

and from so much trying they could finally escape!

and the night folded into itself
and became a happy day!

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Mister Fox
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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - preparation phase

Post by Mister Fox » Sun Feb 25, 2018 5:14 am

It is the 25th February 2018, 5:11am GMT+1/CET - this month's Songwriting Competition has official ended

Thank you so much for your participation. We had 3 participants, 2 less entries compared to last month (5 entries). The add-on rule (Staff adding "balancing vote") does apply.



:arrow: How do we go from there?

Over the course of the next (hopefully) 24-48 hours, I'll gather all links into one post and hot-link to that from the first post of the thread. So please, check your links again. Mistakes and hiccups do happen on the internet. We then perform with the "public vote" system.


We have 3 participants, those being: donkey tugger, beeble (collaborating with Tbase2000 and Nige) and kc23
That means that each participant can vote for 2 tracks, the staff will also vote

The Top 10 list (or Top 2 per participant rather) can look something like this:
01 (10 pts) - Mr Moon
02 (9 pts) - Mr Sun

Please also take note of the Rules and Guidelines on giving feedback

Feedback from non-participants is highly encouraged (voting not needed!). Musicians and Engineers are always after constructive criticism. This is what this forum is about.




If you want to start on next month's Songwriting Competition already, take a look at the Upcoming Challenges announcement thread
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=122




Please have an eye on this thread! :tu:

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Mister Fox
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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Voting until 01-03-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET

Post by Mister Fox » Sun Feb 25, 2018 5:21 am

Let us kick off the VOTING PROCESS, which will end on Thursday, 01-MAR-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET latest


There is a GLOBAL COUNTDOWN to check for deadlines.
Just follow this link: Global Countdown (on homepage)



Here is the collection of productions from all participants:


donkey tugger wrote:
Fri Feb 02, 2018 9:34 pm
"Losing Grip"

http://www.bennyleeds7.myfreeola.uk/swc ... g-grip.mp3



Please consult this post of how your vote could look like.

Good luck to all participants! :tu:

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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Voting until 01-03-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET

Post by Tbase2000 » Sun Feb 25, 2018 2:16 pm

Way to bring an old song back to life KC23. I bet that feels good to listen to. I have some from 20 years ago I still hum and know the words to. The mix sounds very balanced and solid. Vocals are excellent and dynamic. There might be room for a few more layers here and there if you have more ideas later but I think you did a great job. Sounds polished. Keep rockin!

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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Voting until 01-03-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET

Post by Mister Fox » Sun Feb 25, 2018 9:25 pm

As with all previous SWCs where I commented on, I also added some technical details at the end of each report, I will do this for the last time with this post - to give you a small overview of where to look out for in the future maybe.




:arrow: kc23 - Blue & The Star

If this track wasn't released in this form sooner, then I'd say you'll hold the "WIP time frame record" for quite a while to come. I'm personally not fond of the beginning of the song. You're thrown into a production without warning, things feel abrupt. However, the second part of the song (after the solo) has a more fleshed out / balanced feel for sure. Maybe a different intro would help the production - like cliche stick clicks, a bass dive or similar. Just something that prepares you for the impact of this "race of a story".

Technically, the production could see a bit more balanced low-mids, maybe even a different drum sound. Then again, this is supposed to be 70ies sounding. If these are really the original vocal recordings from 2007, then that's impressive to fuse it with new recorded content for sure - even though the vocals are a bit "thin" (more bass frequencies would work great IMO). Some parts are even doubled if I heard that right. They could be a bit louder to give the impression of a full band though. I definitely like the solo guitar, the reverb and the bass just works so great together in this section. The drum is offsetting this a bit however... could be more dry - rolled off above 12kHz (with a LPF at 6dB/Oct or 12dB/Oct for example). But that is all down to personal opinion of course.

Also thank you so much for providing a translation.

TECHNICAL BONUS INFO:
- production was in 48kHz 24bit
- Loudness was -15,8LUFS ILk, -13,7LUFS SLk max
- track was -1,32dBTP max
- mixdown had a DC Offset of about -76,1dB




:arrow: donkey tugger - Losing Grip

This time with a more classic rock production. I really like the balance between drums and guitars. Although the kick drowns in the production (read: it's not defined), the bass is only "defined" if played in higher registers - else it feels as if the vibrato guitars do the work of the bass. You should also maybe have a look on your stereo field - things tend to clash a lot, making things "washed out" rather than defined (read: everything has their set place)

This production has a very trippy/spacey 70ies "Pink Floyd" feeling overall. But your vocals drown too much in reverb/delay (a matter of taste) and are definitely too mid-range heavy (honky - think "Tinfoil"). It's your style for sure, but it's sad that this part feels out of place compared to everything else. Your attention to detail with effect usage (delays and reverbs)...

I really like this production.

TECHNICAL BONUS INFO:
- production was in 44kHz ???bit
- Loudness was -12,5LUFS ILk, -8,2LUFS SLk max (maybe a bit loud)
- track was +0,12dBTP max (clipping - no WAV provided so I can only go by MP3 limitations)
- mixdown had a DC Offset of about -108,7dB




:arrow: Mix Brothers (beeble, Tbase200, Nige) - Tell Me Why

The third rock production in this competition. This time a collaboration between participants beeble, Tbase2000 and Nige. Has a very 90ies Grunge Rock feel for sure, with a stab at (garage) metal from 2000s. The drums definitely show attention to detail, they sound as if they're played for real (arm switching, even feels as if some parts are held back on purpose). I really like the guitar sound overall (especially the beginning).

But I am not liking the overall mix to be honest. It feels unbalanced. Nige and Tbase2000 usually have more focus on the bass (and bass range) - and in this case, it would have worked to let the bass take over the lowend, while the kick could be a bit more "clicky" as balance, and the guitars cut (filter wise) either in this form, or a tiny bit higher (bass EQ wise). Upper midrange for the guitars was fine IMO. But overall things drown out, feel out of place (try cutting 500Hz on the whole mix with a moderate wide Q for about -3dB to hear what I mean). Unless that 90ies "garage/demo tape" feel was desired - but this contradicts with the effect usage towards the ending (delay on vocals).

The vocals are... interesting. However, I think I criticized this before, they could see a different EQ treatment. Maybe even a bit more proximity effect (to reintroduce even more lowend, and maybe also add a slight bit more compression). The vocal reverb also clashes heavily with the overall production. Maybe a bit more dry sounding vocals would have been better overall, with the occasional effect here and there (delay). Also, some parts are definitely doubled (I like that) - but those could be spread out more (to the sides) and be a tad louder. You're simulating a band, so why not let us hear it.

So should you get back to this production, the most work could be put in there.

Overall - a really good collaboration

TECHNICAL BONUS INFO:
- production was in 48kHz 16bit
- Loudness was -13,1LUFS ILk, -10,2LUFS SLk max
- track was +0,7dBTP max (clipping!)
- mixdown had a DC Offset of about -76,5dB





:!: SUMMARY:

Aside from the fact, that we barely saw 3 production yet again (which is a bit discouraging to be honest), I'm surprised that the "Open Mic Night" stays in the Rock section. Not criticizing, but I kind of expected a bit more experimentation at this point. Let's see what will happen the next two months.

Overall - good and enjoyable productions this month, with "room for more" if we talk mixing. Very hard for me to decide a top 3 as I like all productions in their own right (so I'm going by gut feeling, and how the overall balance of the production "feels"). Now I'd only love to see more general participation (think: 10 participants per month bar minimum), more word of mouth promotion. Then I think everyone is happy and things don't feel stalled or boring. I'm curious what will happen from here on out.



:arrow: My votes (<4 participant rule applies)

10pts - donkey tugger (albeit this mix is a bit loud)
9pts - Mix Brothers (beeble)
8pts - kc23



See you in Songwriting Competition 07

donkey tugger
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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Voting until 01-03-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET

Post by donkey tugger » Mon Feb 26, 2018 12:33 am

Cheers, for the review/feedback - a few things to look at there when I go back to it - the vocals always need mixing again...bastards!

On a more general point, it seems to be the way these days that people don't seem to want to get involved in this sort of thing as much any more. It's the same in other contests I've entered over the past couple of years. It's a bit weird as there's miles more people doing music on computers these days, and the internet seems full of self-proclaimed experts on songwriting and production...who never seem to produce any music. :hihi:

I shall try and drum up some more entrants - even if I have to do some work on one of my boss's shit folk songs (been putting them off for ages...) and enter that as a collaboration. :scared:

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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Voting until 01-03-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET

Post by Tbase2000 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 1:02 am

Back and forth on whether or not to post the alternative mix or not here...so here it is again without the rule change pitch. This is how I thought the song should sound so here it is.
Gives me closure.

Last mix....

https://drive.google.com/file/d/18655ZC ... sp=sharing

I played bass and did vocals. My take on the song.
Last edited by Tbase2000 on Mon Mar 05, 2018 1:23 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Voting until 01-03-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET

Post by Mister Fox » Wed Feb 28, 2018 11:42 pm

A friendly reminder:
A bit more than 24 hours left to submit your votes.

As part of the rules - if you do not give feedback/cast your vote, you will be disqualified.

kc23
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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Voting until 01-03-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET

Post by kc23 » Thu Mar 01, 2018 1:43 am

Hi


Thanks for the feedback MrFox and Tbase. And sorry for the delay.

donkey tugger - Losing Grip:
There´s a bit of "crunchiness" I hear in the mix... don´t know if it´s the mp3... still haven´t decided if it is good or bad! other than that, I think this one is a really good tune. Would have liked more dynamic range overall and for the minor chords part. Although kind of simple production, I think the overall feel and vibe its awesome. The guitar delays are spot on and the rest of verbs and delays help showcase the melody. Drums could have been a liiiitle more upfront I think. Guitars sound with the right amount of crunch. But as I said, I think it lacks a little bit of dynamics... the pianos could have been more pianissimo and the fortes more fortissimo... and go more with the upward movement of the chord progressions that push the song a lot even with its simple structure. I liked this spacial, trippy, anxious and relaxed song.


Mix Brothers - Tell Me Why:
The voice harmonies at the very beggining sound like preparing for a mood... that doesn´t come... would have liked to listen to a build up or development of that... after which, for me, turns in to a much too "crude" style... although I can hear some good references to cling to (like a little AliceInChains... a little Transatlantic... maybe even a little Queensryche...). I think that part gave a little more "range" to the song... but it was done quickly. The structure its a bit complicated... not that there´s anything wrong with that! but this one is a little bit hard to follow, I think the melody could have done a better job at this... it´s a lot in less than 4 minutes. Also, have to agree about bass&kick clashing a bit, the bass riff especially looses definition which is a shame... even in the alternate mix... maybe it could have been doubled by a guitar, to give it a little more "rrghh"...? Other than that... I think there´s good production here! that vocal style is surely coming into it´s own (just a bit more range as I commented before)... bass is solid, plethora of guitar riffs and power chords... and a really good "drummer"!

So, my voting goes:

10p.-donkey tugger - Losing Grip
9p.- Mix Brothers - Tell Me Why


Bye!

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Re: SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC06 February 2018 - Voting until 01-03-2018 11:59pm GMT+1/CET

Post by donkey tugger » Thu Mar 01, 2018 6:53 pm

Just thawed out enough to be able to type - it's bloody cold here!

Mix Brothers - Some nice geetaring there. Not really feeling the bass though - seems to be lacking a bit at the real low end, and since you've got quite a 'clicky' rock kick there's scope for a bit of extension down there. Composition wise it took me a few listens to really get the changes, but I'm not really any kind of expert in the more 'proggy' type of metal, and it does make sense overall once I got my head around it. It's not one that I'd find meself humming whilst doing the dishes (that would mean I'd actually have to some washing up...) but that's not necessarly indicative that it's not a good tune, more it hasn't grabbed me personally. Again, a great Rokk vocal!

KC23 - Some more nice guitaring - very tight. I love the drum programming, but not necessarily the kit you've used, sounds a bit too bombastic to me - especially the snare could do with some more dynamics between the sections - in the quiet(er) bits it sounds like the drummer is smacking the shit out of it, so there's nowhere else to go for that bit extra -up to 11 if you will!. Overall song wise I'm liking the late 60s almost Cream type of sound. Being a parochial Brit, I haven't got a clue what you're singing about (so I did need the translation..)...I generally haven't got a clue what I'm singing about either so no matter!

Close, but I'm saying
KC23 -10
Beeble - 9

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