SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC072 August 2023 - Winners announced

[A Future in Noise]

Ranking:

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1. VCA-089
2. The Exponent
3. Arelem
4. Doc Jon
5. Havol

Feedback:

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VCA-089: I immediately associate the aggressiveness at the beginning with "upheaval". Your song contains so many good ingredients that I can't list them all here. There is variety, in any case: not too little and not too much. The song is not too simple and not too complicated.

The Exponent: The very melancholic synth voice at the beginning is not something I can associate with "upheaval" - nor the lyrics, because words are completely missing. At 02:35, however, the whole composition takes off, and here you can sense quite clearly that a revolution is in the air.

Arelem: Good craftsmanship, as always. But I would have liked to take part in a piece of lyrics that does not only consist of detached phrases, regardless of whether they are all easily associated with 'upheaval'.

Doc Jon: The first four, five seconds are very pleasant from a "sound" point of view; everything is perfectly balanced: synth(?)-bass, e-piano, drums, e-guitar. The synthetic male voice doesn't impress me too much, while the female voice is lovely.

Now I come to the lyrics: During the first listening session, I only perceived: "Hey kid, you're not alone, hey kid, pick up your phone..." which IMO is very banal. But the lyrics contain much more than that, so I realized that I was obliged to read the whole lyrics. And the judgment is that it is not at all wrong to present a sensitive and fragile subject in a slightly banal way - the message is probably conveyed better that way than through super-intellectual lyrics. But in any case, could you consider renting a real homo sapiens next time, who sings, if you don't want to sing yourself? It would be idiotic - of me or any other person - to aim to be as good as the young Elvis Presley. But if AI science really succeeds in this - then I will stop listening to music altogether.

My main objection is probably that the song is a little bit too long. It gets a bit repetitive towards the end and also the sound as a whole is a bit too smooth to be associated with 'upheaval'. (You can of course direct similar criticism towards my entry, but what can I do about that now?) P.S. Maybe you should have thrown in a bridge towards the end (because there isn't one - right?) although that trick is probably overused.

Havol: There is nothing wrong with your piano sound. Nor the guitar sound. But maybe you should try not to use only a kind of quite simple "figures" (rhythmic as well as in terms of melody), as you do, throughout. And what do I mean by "figure"? I have no idea how to translate that music technical term from Swedish to English, and such terms cannot be looked up in a dictionary either. I suppose you could describe a piece of a sine curve as a figure. A bit of a square wave too. Probably also a super-simplistic drawing made by Picasso. Does that make sense to you?

Anyway, I liked your song the first time I heard it. And sometimes that's the method I use when ranking the submissions in this contest: if I liked the entry the first time I listened (maybe walking on a sidewalk somewhere), the song ends up reasonably high on my list.

What I learned this month:

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It seams to me I often associate in a much more free way than other people, when I see an image/a picture or a painting. But I knew that before. But as time goes by it also becomes more clear to me, that I write songs with focus on melodies rather than focus on what kind of sound is modern right now, and that the lyrics I write fits like a glove to the melody (in terms of syllables) and that rhyms I use, when I use rhyms, not only are approximate, but often precise.

All other info, previously delivered: https://mix-challenge.com/forum/viewtop ... 376#p15376

My entry (and I repeat this in order to not create more confusion) still is this one, which is identical to the one I posted before August 24th:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HevuRj ... p=drivesdk

[A Future in Noise]

It was impossible to update the original post from my phone. However, the filename now contains short as well as long uunderscores.The music is exactly the same as eight days ago. I apologise for inconvenie caused by all those 3-5 ending messages.

[Mister Fox]

Two things:

1) the "underscores" are not special characters... they are bog standard underscores (like so: _ ). In order to create "long underscores", I use them twice (like so: __ ). This was implemented months ago for better readability.

I will go by your old download - as this is what was submitted prior to the end of the game. I just can't keep up with constant re-uploading and changes to content. This is why we have definite deadlines.


2) once you post your feedback and votes, please don't scatter around your posts - put your reflection for this month into this global feedback post as well.

[Crosshatched]

Here is my vote, anyway, from 1st to 5th place (by ranking, not by points):

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1 VCA-089
2 Havol
3 EsteveCorbera
4 Doc Jon
5 satyatunes

And here are my comments.

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Technically I have notes on all other competitors' pieces, but my notes on Arelem and VCA-089 come short of a critique, so I really only have critiques for 8 songs.

'The beats pound like thunder, shaking the ground' -- like the pregnant pause

A Future in Noise

The lyrics and the music have a strange relation to each other, somewhat ironic.
Ultimately, the lyrics may be optimistic, but not in an optimistic manner, so the calm bright music is quite interesting.
Again, I like the pause after 'no way' etc., and other little pauses.
The toning down of the arrangement during 'the explanation is rather plain', and intro guitar solo, seems effective.

(However... is this line ironic somehow?
'The explanation is rather plain:
socioeconomic factors
it cannot be too many times repeated
this phrase
works like a charm'
When socioeconomic factors are the explanation, they can look rather like... complicated interwoven knotty messes. Or perhaps it's solving them that's a complicated knotty mess. Whereas 'socioeconomic factors' as an explanation alone is not even a soundbite.)

This sometimes has spare guitar sort of tone, but then again, on the whole it definitely has a band-- hence your arrangement can pare down that band-- effective.

Doc Jon

The intro is nice.
vocals (particularly verses) are rhythmic, makes sense for style and is mostly convincing. On the other hand, nuances of it could be better if you got a vocalist for it. I feel like especially the final verse might be just a little hard to pull off. And the chorus is so stylistically bright and even more so with the synth vocals. Still, very enjoyable and I like the concept and the contrast. Not sure if you need the final chorus section, really, even though it allows you to blend the two voices/parts (and that might actually be something else that's tricky to pull off.) Again, I guess it would have real vocalists ideally.

Havol

Interesting shooting sound effects ambience in start. I think they should be somewhat subdued and ambient as they are, and yet that is counter to the nature of what they represent. I think I was a little bored by the intro chord progression, for whatever reason. I really like when the bass/etc. come in and reinforce it though. That might be what I like most--the ambience of the field, the ambience of the drums and other instruments reinforcing the piano. I also like the middle generally, especially the mild and growing entry of the guitar. Sound or mix wise, I think I like it, except maybe the particular strong pop piano.

KukoBass

Yes, I do like the cinematic intro. And then the guitar solo and the downbeats. Still, though I like the ambience, the guitar solo honestly does need to hold the piece, after the intro. (The rest is background. Nothing else really rivals it. I think the strumming part might possibly get too be too monotonous. I like the water. At one point, there seemed to be a change or new background sound briefly near the end, almost like a rustling or animal-- maybe it would be useful to let the background hold a few judicious surprises or ear-candy.) I think the guitar does.

Koekepan

-- so this is some sort of synth performance

I like this type of atmosphere and it all seems to hold together. I need to determine whether I think the dynamic range is skillful or makes me anxious.
I like the new tone around 2:58, and also the buildup that occurs around this time. Also the tone at 4:04. These all seem to add more omens and then more calm.
Of course, there is the fact that this is one of these ambient synth pieces of 8 minutes long to deal with.
I wonder if the heartbeat-like thrums eventually recurred too much--even if they are what holds it together.

VCA-089

like when it picks up in 33
atmosphere, including wind sound effects
nice, tense harmonies (really sets the mood)
interesting rhythm to the melody -- sustain, come down
You put actual work into the outro, which is pretty cool, but extended, which probably fits with the piece.

The Exponent

Once it gets going, I like it, and that's pretty soon. I may find the virtual instruments slightly distracting-- the brass somewhat and especially the 'oohs', which had a good tone at parts but had too abrupt an edge. The flutes are nice.
The build up and instrumentation is interesting, though.
Nice end, with the piano that is then joined by a chord of synths. Perhaps this could be slightly longer. (And I suppose you need to get your DAW to record it SLIGHTLY longer, as in a bar or a halfbar so it can fade out properly. I often forget to tell my DAW to do this, even though it's kind of pathetic that I should have to...)

satyatunes

intro: I really like the alternating vibes of ominous with light and airy tranquility.
I think the high end at times might almost be too bright.
And I like the sound effects, (even, it sounds like, slamming ship doors). In general, the 3d space (through headphones) is very cool. Anyway, the sound effects and drama give some story to the music, although there is a lot of repetition and still strong ambient features, so I would say it's still ambient.
Pleasure to listen to, ... except when I'm worried about it being too high-pitched, and that might be more worry than substance.
The harmony-ish tone around 1:40 is interesting.

EsteveCorbera

Yes, storm to calm, very quick. Something of a cool calm, though, complete peace, but the rain is still hanging over it.
When the buzzy melody enters at 1:22, the contrast with the other instruments was too much, almost abrasive for me (personal taste?). I think it works, though. And anyway the synth melodies are played sensitively enough and suit the surroundings. I might like the higher accent more, though.
The very end of the melody might be improved, too.

Does its entrance somehow alter the accompaniment in general, there?

And comments on my process:

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I focused more on the picture than the word, though both played a part. This has something nice about it, although I think it might be too monotonously bleak, somehow. I mean, really...

Getting the vocals basically right while alone was one thing, or so my visual pitch detector could tell me. Fitting with the accompaniment could add problems, though, especially towards endings. The fermatas and rhythms ending the second chorus threw me off so much, and that's why I tried to go more for speaking most of those words, to tame them somewhat (instead of running the risk of bad pitch). The melody should have worked in theory there, but...

[A Future in Noise]

Yes, it's ironic. That whole piece of lyrics is in fact almost an experiment. I had a discussion with a friend whether I should keep the irony or write something completely different. I suggested: "How about 'All you need is love' (the Beatles) or 'I will always love you' (Parton/Houston)?" But we immediately realised both titles are already sort of occupied. Hence the lyrics. I just hope people won't get too annoyed.

[Doc Jon]

Things I have learned during this month’s competition:

As often seems to be the case with a picture for inspiration people will interpret the same photo in many different ways giving a huge variation in styles this month making it very difficult to judge one against the other!
I learned that Dreamtonics Synthesizer V is better at rapping than I am (which is not saying much as I am truly terrible). It did however take a huge amount of fine tuning of the generated vocal within the app to get the intonation right so it didn’t sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger and that really forced me into learning much more about how to use the software

Feedback

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Arelem: Turbulence
Authentic hip hop feel, great lyrics, great beats. Excellent arrangement and all well mixed. I did find the vocal treatment during the chorus limited the intelligibility of the vocals ever so slightly but overall I liked the heavy use of processing to achieve the effect you obtained. I don’t think you needed that fade at the end. Great track overall

A Future In Noise: Get A Grip
Something inherently charming about this track with the solo vocal over quite a lush arrangement, it grew on me more and more with successive listens, well played and nicely sung. A few minor tuning issues here and there although I thought that actually added to the overall natural feel of the vocal delivery. I particularly liked the background vocals and the bassline. Great guitar solo. Maybe some harmonies and a multiple layered background vocal to create a choir effect would have been nice to augment the lead vocal in the final section after the guitar solo to help create a build to the end of the track

Havol: Make Love Not War
Effective intro with the background battle sounds really setting the scene well. Great piano intro to the music part of the track with a lovely chord progression, however this did tend to become a little repetitive by the end of the track. The introduction of the guitar worked well and came at the right time to hold some interest. Nice guitar solo! I would have liked some other elements to be introduced into the track as it progressed to add some variation to keep the attention. Nicely mixed

KukoBass: Clouds Over Herrenhausen
Thunder and rain! Always good to hear some field recordings incorporated into the track and they fit the theme well here. The drums work well in the context of the rest of the track. The solo guitar tends to wander around a bit without any clear theme or motif and it would have been nice to have a memorable ‘hook’ to glue the track together. I would have liked a little more development of the idea as the track progressed with the introduction of some new elements such as strings or an organ to add interest

Crosshatched: Pulverized
Well this is interesting and quite unexpected, an oasis of piano and vocal amongst a sea of electronic tracks! Nice piano accompaniment and I can see exactly the type of feel you were aiming for. I do think the vocal would have benefitted from some additional processing which I think could have been applied to enhance the performance while keeping the natural feel intact

Koekepan: Skygaze
Very nice soundtrack music. Some great John Carpenter style features. Nice arrangement and well mixed. Kudos for creating it live. I like the way the track built from the intro, particularly when the low frequency pad comes in giving great impact at that point. I also liked the way you selectively used the huge reverb to accentuate certain sounds and phrases. It did need to develop more in the second half with some variation to help keep the attention and was maybe a little too long at just over 8 minutes. Overall a nice track that only just missed out on my top 5

VCA-089: Dark Omen
Fantastic intro! Immediately grabs the attention with nice use of white noise sweeps. Very 80’s as you say, it may be a little cheesy with those power guitars with liberal use of chorus here and there but hey, what’s not to like. A great brooding ominous track which fitted well with the photo. Nice arrangement with enough variation to keep the attention all the way through. Great drums, nice kick!! I liked the way you have used different guitar treatments to give a different feel to each section. Extra point for good use of tambourine! The outro was as good and effective as the intro – well done, superb track!

The Exponent: Fragments of Hope
We are firmly in cinematic soundtrack territory here. Effective use of drums and vocal phrases. Another dark and brooding track with the ominous feel that fitted well with the photo. I liked the way the track built after 2:30 with some nice orchestral instrumentation and great percussion. Very effective come down at the end with the gentle piano outro. Ending was a little sudden! Really well mixed with great use of stereo field throughout. Nice track

satyatunes: Mysterious Cloud
Welcome back to music! A great return with this very atmospheric track. Highly effective use of sound effects throughout. Excellent arrangement with a lot of very different elements included and to my ears, very well mixed, nothing I would change there. The use of so many different sound elements really held my interest all the way through the track, I particularly liked the section after 1:36 with the effective vocal sample background, and the ‘drop’ at 2:24 with the extended outro. Well done, great track

EsteveCorbera: LaTempestaJaSAllunya
Definite vibes of Vangelis here, nice soundtrack music. Effective use of thunder and rain samples giving that authentic ‘Bladerunner’ feel! I think the synth pads could be lower in the mix to allow the CS80 lead to really shine through. I also would have liked the track to be longer with some new elements added to add some variation and build to a grand finale!

Voting

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1) VCA-089
2) Satyatunes
3) Arelem
4) A Future In Noise
5) The Exponent

[Crosshatched]

A Future in Noise: Yeah, that makes sense. That really is how the piece and line feels.

[A Future in Noise]

As often seems to be the case with a picture for inspiration people will interpret the same photo in many different ways giving a huge variation in styles this month making it very difficult to judge one against the other!

Very true. In fact, as I happen to be a member of a Facebook group named ~the Language Polices Headquarter, I asked the group what “upheaval” really means (as I know many native English speaking people are members).

And since yesterday afternoon I have had a conversation with a woman born in Scotland (she moved to Sweden when she was ~30 years old). At first she claimed that the word upheave (the verb form) doesn't exist at all. But it does! (It has been used at least twice during the last four centuries!) Well, upheave wasn't the theme, after all … Regarding “upheaval” she first claimed:

“The use of 'upheaval' is very nuanced. So it's probably safest to use in the context of a memorised phrase rather than as a synonym for something else. / … / Describing a revolution in the same terms as moving house or changing jobs seems incongruous to me.”

Afterwards she changed her mind and said something different. And by now, her FB-comments all together is reminiscent of a doctoral dissertation, so I can't quote it all (allthough I have her permission).

So what's my point? I primarely find all this confusion amusing, and maybe someone else has the same sense of humor as do I? Google translate, bab.la and even my paperback dictionary translated 'upheaval' to 'omstörtning', which immediately made me think of the French revolution. But what happens if G-translate translates to Finnish, Spanish or Hungarian? If an English speaking woman who lived in Scotland for ~30 years doesn't really know what the word means – how can anybody else know?

Now – it doesn't really matter. I feel rather pleased with my entry this month, while I also appreciated many other submissions. That's what matters.

[Mister Fox]

Just a quick explanation on the "theme name" and image I've chosen for August.

The idea stemmed from plenty of outside influences that have been "smacking down" (on me) for a couple of months up until this point. I wanted to convey a sense of things changing, a certain unrest, both the fear and desire of new adventures, and seeing positivity after the chaos has ended. Looking at my many handwritten notes that eventually turn into songwriting games, I wrote down things like "take flight" "updraft", "Gone Away" (traveling), etc. I tried to find "one word" that covers all of that... a change of events.

After many trips to Google, Thesauraus, any many other online dictionaries, I came across one word with multiple meanings: Upheaval. In German, one translation could be the word "Umbruch" (another word for "things changing").


I could have gone with just a pure image - I know games that purely go this route (but are severely time limited to 2 hours maximum). However, the way I built the Songwriting Competition, it always had a "title" and "brief" first, the images came later.

I hope you now have a small glimpse on how I usually prepare and set up games.




A friendly reminder:
Including today, still 3 days left for your feedback and vote.

I already collected votes from 4 participants out of 11.

[Havol]

Things I have learned this month

First of all, thank you all for your feedback ! As I said before, it's the first time I've shared my music and it's comforting to see that it can be enjoyed. I now see that an instrumental music do have an interest. But I have to work on that and add to my songs some spicy things and little twist to keep this interest.

Voting

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1) VCA-089
2) The Exponent
3) Arelem
4) Koekepan
5) EsteveCorbera

Feedbacks

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Arelem - Turbulence

Beautiful production. Great flow. Very percussive. The only thing that bothers me a bit is the voice in the chorus. I find it a bit diffuse and not precise enough, which makes it hard to understand. But that's just nitpicking, very nice work !

A Future in Noise - Get a Grip

I love the melody of the piano and the acoustic guitars! The drums and bass work really well with them. I really like the idea of the choir but I don't find it precise enough and it makes the mix a bit confusing and it's hard to hear the lead vocal. I also really like the solo, which works very well, but I'd have liked it to be a bit more upfront. But after all, nice job !

Doc Jon - Hey Kid

Very nice beat and guitars. The song is really well mixed. I really like the flow in the verses. But I have a harder time with the chorus, though. It's a matter of personal taste for sure, but I find that these "Hey kid" getting boring as the song goes on.

KukoBass - Clouds Over Herrenhausen

Beautiful intro that works very well. The percussion comes in at just the right moment and gives it a cinematic/epic feel that I like. I love the guitar, which is very melodic and conveys emotion, I feel. It's just a shame that it fell a bit behind the percussions at times, but overall it sounds great.

Crosshatched - Pulverized

Singer-piano duets are often very beautiful, and this choice of style works perfectly with the contest theme. But this style is also extremely demanding and uncompromising. Unfortunately, the voice sounds off-key and the piano should sound louder. On the other hand, the piano melody is quite pretty and interesting.

Koekepan - Skygaze

I have mixed feelings about this song. On the one hand, the construction is very well done and creates a nice atmosphere with just the right amount of tension. But on the other hand, I was waiting for something to happen. At 2:16, 2:57, 4:07, 4:35, 6:07, 6:49, I was thinking: "Okay, this is it! Something's going to happen!"... but no, nothing. And I can't even explain what I was waiting for...but just an upheaval. And that's where it may be brilliant. You've managed to keep me captivated for 8 minutes, waiting for this upheaval, but without making me feel bored ! Well done !

VCA-089 - Dark Omen

Damn, this intro !! There's one thing that doesn't lie: if I shake my head, that's good! I don't know what more I can say, except that I would have liked the rhythm guitars to have been a little more prominent, or even a little heavier. But that's just a matter of taste, very nice work!

The Exponent - Fragments of Hope

Very nice intro with the flutes that give a nice Asian atmosphere that I like. I like it when the percussion arrives at just the right moment to keep things interesting. At 2:23, I like the quiet part before the louder part, which is very well brought in with the riser. And the piano at the end is very pretty. A really nice soundtrack, good job !

satyatunes - Mysterious Cloud

I really like the structure of the song. It's got a nice build-up that keeps you listening. All the sound effects in the background are very interesting. I just have a problem with the bell sound. I find it much too harsh and it's very annoying for my ears, which makes the song difficult to listen to. But otherwise the song remains interesting, well done.

EsteveCorbera - LaTempestaJaSAllunya

Nice intro with the rain and storm, it always works well. The pads give a nice atmosphere and everything works well together. I just might have expected something more, perhaps something more dynamic, to keep my interest. Otherwise, the ending with the storm recalling the beginning is clever.