SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC039 November 2020 - Winners announced

[gruskada]

I'm not the best judge of this genre, as it's not really my style. In order to try to be more objective with it, I judged each song specifically on Mister Fox's requirements as well.

A Future In Noise - It
This reminds a bit of the Moody Blues. I like it overall, but it's a little light on the ska style. You got the upstroke at least. I like the sax and trumpet(?) solo - I'm not going to fault you for the fake sound. VST saxophones rarely sound real. You have a good voice.

Danceability? - pretty high
Lots of brass? - not really
Aggressive tone? - no


Olli H - My Heart Gathers Dust
I like the intro. It's a really clean mix, too. The drums and guitars are great, and the song is catchy. The vocals are lacking energy, though. I like when the song turns into the 60's Batman TV show theme style, though. But the vocals need to match the energy here. The organ and guitar solo is cool. It has hints of flamenco. Points for making something more original-sounding. This would be a tough one to dance to, though, due to the shifts in energy. I normally really dislike modulation on the last chorus, but it kind of fit well here.

Danceability? - not really
Lots of brass? - a little bit
Aggressive tone? - a little bit


Doc Jon - Great British Holiday
This song is way too happy for my tastes, and I think is too straight up happy for what Mister Fox was ideally looking for. I still kind of like it, though. You've used the "jumping 5ths" type melody before, and it works well here. It's well produced of course, and the sound effects work well.

Danceability? - high
Lots of brass? - a decent amount
Aggressive tone? - no, though some of the lyrics have some edge to them


Blang - Dancin' in our Pyjamas
This song has some edge to it, mostly in the groove. It's super catchy. I like the "catch our breath" break. The bassline is really cool, and the organ works great. The background vocals are super cool - not sure what they are saying, though. It almost sounds like what Peter Gabriel would do if he made a ska song :-) Nice job keeping it interesting while using the same chords for the verse and chorus. Interesting choice not to end on the tonic - this song seems to be begging for it to end on it. Instead we get a paper rustling sound :-)

Danceability? - super high
Lots of brass? - no, but I'm not missing it
Aggressive tone? - slightly, in the groove


becsei_gyorgy - SkAll In
I really like this - it has a bit of the "Too Many Zoos" sound that I love, but it's also got it's own style. The piano line really makes it. The EW Pop Brass sounds really good. I may have to check that out. My only criticism is the opening bassline sounds overly simplistic. I think even having each not repeated would help.
I think it would have sounded really cool if the drum fill was louder at ~1:34. Personally I would have kept up the energy at 2:20 with a more aggressive solo. The muted trumpet sound is nice, though. The bari sax(?) solo is cool, but I'd even like to see more energy out of this (might be hard with VSTs, though).

Danceability? - very high
Lots of brass? - yes
Aggressive tone? - a bit


Shea - Get Lost
Super cool intro groove. It is so good. Killer bassline, nice reverb effect, interesting cymbal sound, great trumpet line. You got a nice sound out of Session Horns. It's easily the best 27 seconds of the contest. Unfortunately, you lose me when the vocals come in. The out of tune endings kill me, and the yelping sound at 1:03 is rough on my ears - the one at 1:22 works well enough. The chorus is ok. It sounds like you are bored with the song near the end, which is a shame, because it starts to get good here. I like the reggae style echo.

Danceability? - somewhat
Lots of brass? - enough
Aggressive tone? - kind of


Slickster716 - Lets have a Party
I like the opening drum sound. The horns seem to have a phasing effect. Nice voice and interesting lyrics. It's a great song for what it is. But, it's too laid back for the contest. This same song with a more aggressive tone would have been awesome, and would have probably been my #1 choice. Even if the song started with the guitars that you bring in halfway through, it would have fit the theme better.

Danceability? - pretty good
Lots of brass? - enough
Aggressive tone? - no

► Show Spoiler

01 (10 pts) - becsei_gyorgy - SkAll In
02 (09 pts) - Blang - Dancin' in our Pyjamas
03 (08 pts) - Slickster716 - Lets have a Party
04 (07 pts) - A Future In Noise - It
05 (06 pts) - Olli H - My Heart Gathers Dust
06 (05 pts) - Doc Jon - Great British Holiday
07 (04 pts) - Shea - Get Lost
[\spoil]

[Slickster716]

Hey just want to check do you need another format or link from me it seems to be working for most people byt i know someone had an issue.

[A Future in Noise]

Hey just want to check do you need another format or link from me it seems to be working for most people byt i know someone had an issue.

It's no problem for me anylonger. I have downloaded all the entries to my harddrive.

[Olli H]

My comments are from the point of view of the song as such.
Votes are more from the point of view of competition task.

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A Future in Noise

Although you have woven into your song some ska-elements, it still feels to me like a basic relaxed rock/pop song. But a good one as such. The more I listen to this, the more I like it.

The melody lines are very nice and catchy.

For some reason the brass parts in the background do not have optimal swing yet.
But brass solo parts are very nice.

I like the organ stuff.

The opening feels a bit distractive. It doesn't invite to listen.

The slow midi guitar upstrokes make the beat drag a bit.



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gruskada

This one has a clear punk attitude. Melody, words and attitude work well together. Nice brass parts.

The song-writing part is cleverly done.

My main concern is the somewhat messy rhythm section. It feels that you don't have a single drum kit with one player and one rhythmic vision. Instead, you have a punch of percussionist that each are playing different parts of drum kit. So one player for toms, one for hi-hats, one for the snare, etc.

Also here and there the groove and beat get buried under the strong vox. But that's more a mixing issue.

Snareless snare could be tuned a bit higher pitch, it would give a better ska beat that way.


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Doc Jon

You have added all the elements pretty intelligently. Melody lines are great, the best and catchy chorus. Words fit the melody lines perfectly. Ska rhythm adds to the mood. Nice piano solo. Brass part's support the melody line perfectly. The song remains coherent from the start to end.

Your music creates a lot of images in my mind. As if I'm watching some Mel Smith and Griff Rhys Jones comedy from 80's.
So shortly, well done, I have nothing to add.


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Blang

This certainly has the right beat and great groove. Mission completed. Certainly a great party song.

Melody combined with that beat reminds brings to my mind some Paul Simon's uptempo songs. Good company to be with. Maybe those great background parts was reason for this association.

And great simple riffs. Just the way it should be.

If you had added horn parts, you would have been winner to me. Some of those nice guitar riffs would have been easy to convert to brass parts. Well, maybe you had your reason's not add it.

But when we reach the middle of the song, it starts to feel that it's already heard. So it gets stuck. Brass parts would have easily fixed that problem. Also, maybe a modulation to bit higher in the end could have also worked.

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becsei_gyorgy

I'm having mixed feelings about this.
On the other hand you have absolutely great melody lines with very nice stem melodies. Well-done brass parts. On the other hand the ska elements feel to me a bit forcefully added. Or is there collusion of genres? The melody lines remind me of some sort of cabaret music or music to some theatre piece.

The drum groove feels overpowered by horn riffs.

Very nice trumpet and sax solo

Main riff starts to repeat too much, but still there's plenty of variations. That's a bit contradictory statement, but I don't know what makes me feel that the song freezes under that main riff. Maybe the over-strong staccato brass part starts to bring in some sort of ear fatigue. If some softer instrument played the main riff, and horns were just adding supporting fills, it might solve the problem I'm referring to.

Sonically you could mix the supporting elements a bit darker, and main melody line a bit brighter. As if the focus elements steps forward on the stage and supportive elements steps backward, so that they would be 2 meter behind.

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Shea

Well, the dance floor part is quite thin. Not so much uptempo ska beat.

But if one forgets that competition part, the song as such is very well done and has a strong artistic vision. It's pleasure to listen. As if Pink Floyd is doing a relaxed reggae version of their "Comfortably Numb" song.

Those brass part are made with great vision. Not much of them, but just perfect to my ears.

The bass line supports the song very well.

Shortly: a perfect song but slightly outside of this months competition.


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Slickster716

Cool song but too relaxed to be uptempo ska. So maybe not for the dance floor.

But I don't care so much about dancing. Your song as such, I like it very much. It feels to me like Lou Reed is singing sarcastically about introverts dance party. And when Lou Reed comes to my mind, I'm certainly listening.

The line "let's have a party" the way it is performed here, brings to my mind Monty Python's great sketch of Philosophers Football Match German vs. Greek. I don't know why, but it came to my mind.

I feel that brass parts behind the singing don't support the melody line. But in the solo it works fine.

Electric guitar riff part in the middle of the song felt to me a little bit separate, and it interrupted my listening experience.

► Show Spoiler

My comments are from the point of view of the song as such.
Votes are more from the point of view of competition task.

1. 10 pts Doc Jon
2. 9 pts becsei_gyorgy
3. 8 pts Blang
4. 7 pts gruskada
5. 6 pts A Future in Noise
6. 5 pts Shea
7. 4 pts Slickster716

[Olli H]

Thanks for the comments

Olli H - My Heart Gathers Dust
This would be a tough one to dance to, though, due to the shifts in energy.

Well, pogo is quite tough dance style form from 1970’s. And for eldery people like me, who were youngsters in Johnny Rottens prime time, it’s nowadays nice to have some relaxed resting moments after each 40 seconds of jumping.

Olli H - My Heart Gathers Dust
I normally really dislike modulation on the last chorus, but it kind of fit well here.

Actually there were no modulation of the key. I just joined the uptempo ska drum beat with relaxed reggae bass line.

[gruskada]

Olli H - My Heart Gathers Dust
I normally really dislike modulation on the last chorus, but it kind of fit well here.

Actually there were no modulation of the key. I just joined the uptempo ska drum beat with relaxed reggae bass line.

My bad. I listened to that part twice to make sure. Not sure why I thought it modulated.

[A Future in Noise]

The opening feels a bit distractive. It doesn't invite to listen.

The singer in the Madness song One Step Beyond makes some kind of declaration before the actual song begins. He uses a lot of delay (mono I think). I don't know if all of you listened to that specific tune, provided as example by Mr Fox. But anyway I just thought it was fun to do something similar in my composition One Step Ahead. Edit: For some reason the title was changed to 'it', as you may have noticed.

I really admire you guys who deliver all this detailed critics. I'm no good at it. But I'll try.

[Blang]

Hi everyone,

Giving feedback is a lot more difficult and sensitive in writing than doing it verbally. I try to be as nuanced as possible, since it's gonna be highly subjective anyway. So, I hope you find these comments useful and happy musicing!

A Future In Noise – It
Stylewise, I’m getting more a careless 80’s doowop vibe here than ska. I dig the flow of the bassline. The arrangement seems very well thought out. Most instruments have melodies that interlace almost like a classical piece.
Detail: the offbeat instrument on the left, which I think is an software guitar. Because it’s arpeggiated, not all notes at once, it doesn’t have that attack a ska guitar has, which is really important for driving the rhythm. Now it’s always a bit late. The organ you use earlier in the song does have more attack, and those parts some to groove better to me.
I’m a song guy, so I would have liked to have a verse and chorus at 1:20, and save the instrumental for later (to be used as a bridge), since we just got out of an instrumental.

Gruskada - Everything's Just Great
Interesting mix of the punk ska and a happier ska-offshoot. It really feels like a complete song with funny lyrics that fit the vibe!
It punches, but feels a bit stiff at times, timingwise. In the verses it's mostly the vocal timing that keeps me dancing to it.
Since it has a punk vibe I’m wondering why you went with a offbeat rimstick snare and not a full (rock) snare on the 2 and 4, because the guitar and hihats are doing that offbeat anyhow. I’m really missing a beat to keep the energy going that song and vocal definitely have.
A small mix matter: The horns sound a tad clean and ‘midi’ compared to the punkier, dirtier guitars and vocals.


Olli H - My Heart Gathers Dust
Yeah more the old skool ska/reggae vibe in the verses. Especially with the bass not hitting the one.
Nice contrast between carefree sounds and somewhat sad vocal.
You talk about a ska/reggae mix, but I’m hearing a reggae / surf / Stray Cats mix. And uuh I like that mix, never heard it but it works!
The vocal processing seems a bit far detached from the rest, because it sounds more processed/artificial. Maybe only have the octave effect for specific parts.
Nice instrumental! The shape of the song really feels like a whole.


Doc Jon - Great British Holiday
Nice Two-tone vibe. Very funny and capturing lyrics. I didn’t get all the details at once but I heard some gems, so thanks for adding the lyrics! I especially like the descriptive writing in the verses. It fits the deadpan staccato sing like glove.
The verses are tad stronger than the chorus imo. The beginning of the chorus hook I like, but the final notes: “Da-hay” family-hy” seem a tad forced to fit a certain melody, where as the verses flowed more naturally. In fact I don’t think you even need that final note (G), so just and on the A. If you were to redo the chorus vocal, you might consider singing it more legato for some more contrast between the verse.
Perhaps the song could use some (melodic) variation in the third verse. For example muting some stuff to reset attention to vocal again. Third verses are hard, probably why they’re fairly rare in pop music (I regard ska as a part of pop). I sometimes treat the third verse as a ‘faux’ bridge when there is no bridge.
Nice how the SFX add to the vibe of the song and nice get in the way.
Lovely touch with the honky piano interlude for extra nostalgia


becsei_gyorgy - SkAll In
hmm used a reggae beat. Kick on 2 en 4. Mix is a lot to be gained; dancability and vibe wise.
Oooh, I’m also getting a klezmer vibe here. The walking bass is a big part of both genres.
If we’re gonna get nerdy; the intro theme seems to have a lot of parallel movements (I suspect fifths). Because of that I’m getting some medieval vibes instead of ska. You might wanna look into counterpoint in arranging; In (very) short: a technique wherein simultaneous melodies go in opposite directions; One goes up, the other goes down.
I like the chord patterns, but there is not one specific melody that really hooked my. There is definitely melody there, but it seems to establish the chords more than that the chords are serving the melody. So it kinda feels like it could be a good instrumental for a ska song with lyrics and a melody yet to be written…
The different sections are pretty similar to each other, so there doesn’t really seem as sense as where we’re going. Try arranging it more that not everything plays at once. 2:30 breakdown is therefore one of my favorite moments. Especially when you don’t have lyrics to guide you through the composition you need some variation to maintain the attention.

Shea - Get Lost

Reggae groove kick 2 and 4
Soundwise I think you have a clear vision and executed it very well. Ska off beat guitar could have had some more attack, brightness, spring verb for my taste, but those are details and highly subjective. Nice dubby echo on the vocal. It reminded me of the first Gorillaz album in a way.
The funky bassline sets up a certain expectation, but it remains a vamp throughout the song, it does not evolve. So that’s the first place I’d look to make it into a song. It feels more like a promising sketch to me.
I think it would feel more like a complete composition to me if more parts came back, like the verse and chorus. The horn theme, which I find is the highlight of the track, does come and maybe therefore feels more like it’s the main attraction.
A suggestion for the shape of the song if you care to expand it:

Intro
Verse 1
pre-chorus_1”senselessness” (half of its current length to keep us on our toes)
horn theme
Verse 2 (half of verse 1 length)
Pre-chorus 2 (like you have it now)
“Go get Lost” outro

At 1:37, after the build, there is a rhythm clash that throws me off. I think it’s the vocal in combination with the fact the kick pattern is on the 2 and 4. I might be missing something (perhaps a kick) on that 1 for extra emphasis.
This is not a tip per se, but just a realization I had when listening: The way a lyric is sung, has great impact on how it is interpreted. I’m not talking about the melody itself, or how pitch perfect it is, but the tone of voice. In the end of the song I felt like you were telling me to “get lost”, “get away from me”. And not “go and wander around, explore”, which I think might be more towards the actual intention of the song when reading the lyrics.

Slickster716 - Lets have a Party

Country ska! Nice, relaxed vocals (Jack Johnson / Big Lebowski coolness). See if you can get that timing in the horns as well. They seem pretty rushed. Perhaps sing the horns parts and convert to midi or just use that timing as a guide.
Nice that you turned the reggae drum groove to 4 on the floor in the choruses.
Vocal performance is nice and relaxed, but after a while so much that it came across as ironic; “Does he really wanna have a party!?” The accompaniment is indeed very happy, but there seems to be a hurting soul in that vocal performance, which I like very much, but it might be somewhat unsuitable for this song. Note that I’m talking about the performance, not the voice itself.
The sax is almost doubling the vocal melody in the chorus. Might be nice to do a harmony with the sax instead of a doubling or a hook that fills in the spaces between the vocals.
After the second listen I wondered why it feels somewhat unfinished to me when the song ends… it’s not just because it’s short. It’s missing a bridge! Sure, there is the breakdown with the horns that sort of take on that function, but it doesn’t stray far enough from the rest that it feels “new”. Hmm, to be honest, my song actually does a very similar thing… Hmm, okay now I know repeat the final chorus with some extra backing vocals, percussion and what not. If you don’t want a straight up double chorus, try something like this: Maybe the repeated chorus is just “Let’s have a party” … horns countermelody or backing vocals “yeah yeah yeah”, lead”“everyone’s invited” … horns countermelody or backing vocals “yeah yeah yeah”.

► Show Spoiler

since everyone is counting from 10

1. 10 pts Doc Jon
2. 9 pts Olli H
3. 8 pts becsei_gyorgy
4. 7 pts Slickster716
5. 6 pts gruskada
6. 5 pts A Future in Noise
7. 4 pts Shea

[Olli H]

Giving feedback is a lot more difficult and sensitive in writing than doing it verbally. I try to be as nuanced as possible, since it's gonna be highly subjective anyway. So, I hope you find these comments useful and happy musicing!

Great comments to every one. I'm sure every one highly appreciates them. You should get some bonus points for them. I wish I could elaborate my thoughts with that skill.

You talk about a ska/reggae mix, but I’m hearing a reggae / surf / Stray Cats mix.

While listening for "Melbourne Ska Orchestra - Third Time Lucky" (that was on the list of ska examples) I noticed that it sounds like some Big Band playing uptempo songs. Or compare it to Blues Brothers band performing their main theme "I Can't Turn You Loose". Or how about Bill Haley original version of "Rock around the clock" from 1952. Now that you mentioned Stray Cats. What do we get if we add horns to Stray Cats? We get literally Brian Setzer Orchestra. If you listen for example "The Brian Setzer Orchestra - Jump Jive An' Wail", is there any essential difference to Melbourne Ska Orchestra? The line between these genres is very thin or even artificial.

[Doc Jon]

A good month, I've always liked a bit of ska and every track here was great

A future in Noise – One Step Ahead
One Step Ahead – ah yes, I see what you did there!!
Great authentic Madness style opening, great ska feel with some great offbeat organ. Really excellent bass line
I found the sax parts a little artificial, well arranged but could have done with a more realistic sound source
Good vocal with some great harmonies, well done
Very nice arrangement with some good contrasts in dynamics and throwing in the 2-Tone stop/start bits all added to the authentic feel
Overall great track

Gruskada – Everything’s Just Great
Nice ska feel right from the start, could definitely dance to this one
Indie style vocal which gave the song a strong feel, nice lyrics too which fitted in well with the theme
Decent amount of brass but it did sound a little artificial in places
I would have preferred to have the vocals spread less wide in the verses which would then have given more contrast with the chorus

OlliH – My Heart Gathers Dust
This is what you would get if you put Leonard Cohen in a studio and told him to make a ska track!!
I loved the intro, that reggae ska feel was beautiful
I liked the change in style and pace as the track progressed – although we did wander a bit in the middle, veering away from ska and moving more towards a train beat rockabilly style! Nice organ solo though!
Nice change in vocal processing at 2:40, and yet another nice organ solo!
Overall a great track, not really totally ska throughout but I loved it

Blang – Dancing In Our Pyjamas
Great ska feel, reminded me very much of The (English) Beat
Nice bass intro, great guitars
Typical 2-Tone subject matter and vocal
The tribal backing vocals and vocal ad-libs fitted in well to the track and really helped to create an authentic feel
Nice pause at 1:38!
I would have liked some brass but otherwise I felt all the right elements were there, in a nice arrangement and an overall well produced track

Becsei Gyorgy – SkAll in
Very authentic ska feel, nice brass and good driving rhythm. Highly effective use of the piano in the background acting as a counterpoint against the main tune
I think you are up against tough competition this month by submitting the only instrumental track but you have carried it off very well indeed. This really did sound like an authentic ska instrumental, I was thinking I might miss the vocals but it really did not need any
Nice solo at 2:20 and I liked the way you ended the track, it really did sound like a band deciding ‘Let’s stop here!’
Well arranged track with some nice little percussive Fx and very well mixed and produced
Well done

Shea – Get Lost
A more laid back ska feel to this one, definitely more Specials than Madness, it grew on me more with each listen
I liked the sparse arrangement and nice open mix, I loved the section starting at 0:55
Great bass line throughout although timing could have been a little tighter in some parts
Effective use of dub style Fx and some nice vocal ad-libs and shouts
Good track but a bit too short, ended too soon – I wanted more!

Slickster716 – Let’s Have a Party
Nice vocal delivery, you have a great voice, good lyrics too and a nice laid back delivery
Good chorus to sing along to, very catchy
Overall I think the ska feel could have been improved with more of the off beat guitar, I could hear it was there but it could have been a lot stronger, or doubled with some organ stabs
Brass sounded a little artificial
Would have liked a little more weight to the bottom end in the drums in the mix

► Show Spoiler

01 Blang – Dancing In Our Pyjamas – 10pts
02 Besei Gyorgy – SkAll In – 9pts
03 A Future In Noise – One Step Ahead – 8pts
04 OlliH – My Heart Gathers Dust – 7pts
05 Gruskada – Everything’s Just Great – 6pts
06 Shea – Get Lost – 5pts
07 Slickster716 – Let’s Have A Party – 4pts