SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC060 August 2022 - Winners announced

[EsteveCorbera]

Bonus track: If anyone is interested: This is the original version (almost original) from 2016/2017. Not from the beginning, but from approximately the “preludium” before chorus 2. It would be interesting to know if you think the C major in the beginning of the chorus, together with vocals (A Future In Noise), sounds strange in the same way here, as it maybe do (?) in the version participating in this competition.

I can't answer your question about C Major, but I like the current version better

[becsei_gyorgy]

Bonus track: If anyone is interested: This is the original version (almost original) from 2016/2017. Not from the beginning, but from approximately the “preludium” before chorus 2. It would be interesting to know if you think the C major in the beginning of the chorus, together with vocals (A Future In Noise), sounds strange in the same way here, as it maybe do (?) in the version participating in this competition.

I listened to your old song, it's interesting to hear what became of it. Nice work.
The second chorus part sounds good in the older version: nothing (wrong) stands out here, but no matter how many times I listen to the new song from 1:44-, I don't like something (maybe the guitar sound behind the vocal is disturbing?), but again, it's just me, maybe it's good for everyone else

[Mister Fox]

It's the 02nd September 2022, 01:30 (UTC+2/CEST) - the Voting Period has officially ended.

If I saw correctly, all main participants have submitted their final feedback, we therefore have 0 disqualifications.


I will post the results within 2-3 days and take "late feedback" into consideration.
(this is not an automated process)

As mentioned in post #30, I will also provide some final feedback and cast an additional vote. Apologies in advance for any delay.


Please have an eye on this thread

[Olli H]

Olli H - I don't really have any comments for this one. I like the little plucks that kind of help paint the picture of water drops. The lyrics definitely fit the narrative and feel like they could be a metaphor for someone feeling stuck but also not wanting to change; kind of how people can become comfortable in bad situations and the unknown/unfamiliar makes us almost scared of change.

That a very good interpretation. I like that. The original idea behind the lyrics is those very common incurable diseases, that eats one's personality away, slowly but surely. For example dementia, ALS, Parkinson, Altzheimer etc. There's no cure for them, and the person just disappears little by little although the body is still alive. But I didn't want that to be the only way to read the meaning of these words. So, I surely wanted to leave room to many kind of interpretations, and you made just a very good one!

[Olli H]

Intro is two bars too long. Cut the last two bars.

Very true, that's already fixed.

From 0:43 – 0:48 I really don't understand the harmonic progression here (”day by day”); the tones from the double bass seems not to fit together with the guitar, the pizzicato violin (if that's what it is) and vocals? It would take too much time for me to figure out exactly which tones the instruments are playing; especially for the guitar it's all little bit hard to tell what it is doing. All this is repeated one more time.

A bit lengthy answer, but I enjoy thinking and pondering these kind of things.

I don't hear any problems with chord progression and the bass line. Maybe the problem you're hearing is caused by my hasty pitchy singing. I was running out of minutes, so I didn't have time to do better versions nor pitch corrections. (And in that last minute chaos I managed also to mark the wrong competition number to my submission.) There were also couple of wrong violin notes here and there, but probably not in those parts. I don't remember anymore.

But anyway, now that voting is ended I decided to activate my old SoundCloud account and uploaded a more finished version of the song.

https://soundcloud.com/olli-h-pajulintu ... -at-a-time

Hopefully, that version feels sonically a bit more correct. (In that new version there's also an added synth with my first self made Voltage synth preset. Voltage is quite an interesting machine, if one is interested to study what's happening within synth.)

But the main idea of that part is chromatic bass-line with chord inversions. A trick used quite often in classical music, jazz. And also The Beatles uses that kind of tricks in many of their songs. That part of the song is in the key of Am.

Chord progression from Dm to Am:
A#dim > B7 > E7 > Am

Guitar is playing just those chord, So is violin.

Chromatic bassline from D to A:
A# > A > G# > A

Analysis:
A#dim / A#: dissonant start, bass plays the root of the chord
B7 / A: subdominant of the E7, bass plays the 7th of the chord
E7 / #G: dominant of the root, bass plays the 3rd of the chord
Am / A: Root

As B7 > E7 > Am is a very basic sub-dominant>dominant>root -progression, I guess it's the starting A#dim that bothers you. Dim-chord is always very dissonant, but on the other hand or maybe for that reason it can be added after any chord. But does it sound as a mistake? I guess it's to be determined by what happens after it.

Pizzicato violin could be water drops. I like the maracas, but in terms of awaking water associations, the maracas don't have that influence on me.

In this case it's not intended to resemble the water. Although I normally try to follow rules over-rigorously, in my mind the drops and the lyrics have enough of watery feeling for one song. Now that I think of it, the shaker with that added SoundToys effect is probably the sound of hungry disease eating me "day by day, one piece at a time".

[A Future in Noise]

I can't answer your question about C Major, but I like the current version better

Thanks! Good to know we didn't do all the job in vain.

[A Future in Noise]

... but no matter how many times I listen to the new song from 1:44-, I don't like something ...

To be honest, I agree with you (that specific bar). But I don't know exactly what it is either.

[A Future in Noise]

In that new version there's also an added synth with my first self made Voltage synth preset.

The synth is the saw?

When I think about it, this tune could be inspired by the Dylan album Oh Mercy (especially from where the tremolo guitar starts).

It's in fact the second chord, and the guitar to the left I find problematic. But just looking at your description, and the names of the chords, doesn't help me much. But when I get back home, where I have my keyboard, I will have a closer look at this. Maybe even come up with an alternative solution (if you don't mind?).

Did you edit the vocals? I found it much easier to perceive what words you are singing in the new Soundcloud version. Maybe I wasn't fully focused the last time I listened. Or something was wrong with the equipment.

[alavault]

Intro is two bars too long. Cut the last two bars.

Very true, that's already fixed.

From 0:43 – 0:48 I really don't understand the harmonic progression here (”day by day”); the tones from the double bass seems not to fit together with the guitar, the pizzicato violin (if that's what it is) and vocals? It would take too much time for me to figure out exactly which tones the instruments are playing; especially for the guitar it's all little bit hard to tell what it is doing. All this is repeated one more time.

A bit lengthy answer, but I enjoy thinking and pondering these kind of things.

I don't hear any problems with chord progression and the bass line. Maybe the problem you're hearing is caused by my hasty pitchy singing. I was running out of minutes, so I didn't have time to do better versions nor pitch corrections. (And in that last minute chaos I managed also to mark the wrong competition number to my submission.) There were also couple of wrong violin notes here and there, but probably not in those parts. I don't remember anymore.

But anyway, now that voting is ended I decided to activate my old SoundCloud account and uploaded a more finished version of the song.

https://soundcloud.com/olli-h-pajulintu ... -at-a-time

Hopefully, that version feels sonically a bit more correct. (In that new version there's also an added synth with my first self made Voltage synth preset. Voltage is quite an interesting machine, if one is interested to study what's happening within synth.)

But the main idea of that part is chromatic bass-line with chord inversions. A trick used quite often in classical music, jazz. And also The Beatles uses that kind of tricks in many of their songs. That part of the song is in the key of Am.

Chord progression from Dm to Am:
A#dim > B7 > E7 > Am

Guitar is playing just those chord, So is violin.

Chromatic bassline from D to A:
A# > A > G# > A

Analysis:
A#dim / A#: dissonant start, bass plays the root of the chord
B7 / A: subdominant of the E7, bass plays the 7th of the chord
E7 / #G: dominant of the root, bass plays the 3rd of the chord
Am / A: Root

As B7 > E7 > Am is a very basic sub-dominant>dominant>root -progression, I guess it's the starting A#dim that bothers you. Dim-chord is always very dissonant, but on the other hand or maybe for that reason it can be added after any chord. But does it sound as a mistake? I guess it's to be determined by what happens after it.

Pizzicato violin could be water drops. I like the maracas, but in terms of awaking water associations, the maracas don't have that influence on me.

In this case it's not intended to resemble the water. Although I normally try to follow rules over-rigorously, in my mind the drops and the lyrics have enough of watery feeling for one song. Now that I think of it, the shaker with that added SoundToys effect is probably the sound of hungry disease eating me "day by day, one piece at a time".

B7 is not the subdominant of E7. It's a secondary dominant of E7 (V of V in this case)
Also, most musical phrases get more dissonant up until a resolution. Starting with a diminished chord is a bold move.

[Olli H]

... but no matter how many times I listen to the new song from 1:44-, I don't like something ...

To be honest, I agree with you (that specific bar). But I don't know exactly what it is either.

Now that you've been discussing it I also checked that part. As if the singer and keyboard goes along with Cmajor chord with E-note, but the guitar and bass is playing Cminor with Eb note.