SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC076 December 2023 - Winners announced

[A Future in Noise]

My first instinct was that after the G major chord it has to come "home" like the following:
- Amin (v) I Dmaj (I) I Gmaj (IV) I Gmin6 (iv) I Dmaj (I) in another voicing than the one I Dmaj chord before.

It is also possible to swap the Gmin6 with a D#dim (or even Dmaj/F#) end the progression on a E min chord.
It does sound natural and the melody fits well. Thanks for providing the chords!

Thanks for providing me with alternatives to my chord progression. I will take a closer look, and listen, as soon as I get time. (What if in the future, when I re-mix, I am influenced by your suggestions and thoughts?)

[Mister Fox]

@Mister Fox in follow up to this last post of yours..do I need to be more critical? I suggested a couple of things here and there, but I'm concerned that I haven't been critical enough overall judging by what you're saying.

I just read through your feedback. And yes, it is in places quite generalized and "I like this song". I can do no such thing as enforce people to be more critical, only encourage this type of feedback towards those tracks that you might think could see an improvement.

This is why it is part of the game -- sometimes a second pair of ears hears something that you don't. And this is especially of interest for not as skilled musicians that do not have a certain style and workflow already. We're all here to learn and improve.


Keep up the good work, everyone!

[A Future in Noise]

Reflections:

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I choose to review only seven submissions, as English is not my native language.

I haven't learned much this month. My goal is still to create pop- / rock songs that are catchy, without them sounding like a copy of thousands of other songs that have already been made. Originality is required for it to be interesting.

For the future, I wish there was more time fore me for advanced mixing / mastering. But honestly, I doubt I'll ever have time for this. I actually primarily see it as my job to write songs, and that is: chord progression, melody, bass line and a adequate (/ temporary) accompaniment (and lyrics). And that means, I guess, I still hope that there are other people that can take on the final product.

Voting:

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1 VCA-089

2 colorado weeks

3 Brandon740

4 KukoBass

5 Mellow Browne

6 EsteveCorbera

7 becsei_gyorgy

Feedback:

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colorado weeks: First of all: this is a song, which is very suitable when it comes to song writing competitions. This is the submission I liked the best when I first listened.

There is some kind of vibrato (the pitch goes up and down) attached to the piano, at least in the intro. Is this made on purpose? (Why?) Besides from that I like the intro, but there is no reason at all to repeat the first four measures (from where the synth bass starts, 0:11) twice, with very little, or no, variation – five minutes as a total for this song is a little too long.

You have obviously picked toms with no sustain. And that's your choice. Together with lots of e-pianos (synths), this is an 80s-sound. (Maybe I would have tried to be a bit more restrained with the cascades from the e-pianos (synths)). Kick drum sounds perfect in my monitors together with sub.

3:43 the word 'say' (it's a #D) is very low for a woman to sing, and maybe you should have rewritten instead of letting some kind of algorithm pitch down? (Or is it actually you singing?)

Lyrics: The words goes well together with the music. A relationship between a man and a woman that ended - can be done any number of times. You manage to involve both traffic lights and LEDs in a natural way, which of course is good, since the theme is lights. Your lyrics contain a questioning (the bridge) of one's (/your) own perception of what has passed, which is a good thing. (The northern star – is it the solaris? A sign you use to know in which direction you should move?)

VCA-089: A spaceship lifts towards the stars (=lights). After a while very deep and solid bass. And than suddenly percussion with very much reverb (is it because we're in a very large room – space?).

As a whole this is a very solid work, but I did need to hear it in my studio monitors, with subwoofer connected, to be able to appreciate it. When I first listened, using average earbuds connected to my phone, I wasn't very impressed. But maybe, after all, you should make the reverb shorter or you should use a smaller amount of this long reverb? I don't have the ability to tweak and listen to the result, so I don't really know. It's a good idea to let the bass disappear for ~30 seconds somewhere in the middle, and then come back. I've listened to “Lights” three or four times, now, and those five minutes never seems too long.

Mellow Browne: I'm having a hard time judging what I think about this, since it's so different from the kind of music I make.

Why are there two different keyboards at the beginning; one with significantly more distorted sound than the other? (Or sometimes slow attack?)

Maybe this belongs to an existing genre, which I simply missed. I have nothing to compare it to.

The percussion consists of so many different sounds that sometimes it almost sounds like a lot of small junk-particles lying in a metal box, which is being shaken around in an arbitrary way. On the other hand: the deep synth bass that appears at ~1:00 is nice; likewise when it returns at ~2:00. After listening a few times, in fact I find the arrangement as a whole to be quite enjoyable. The mix is well done in terms of frequency separation. There is bottom but there is also "air".

Doc Jon: This is an atmospheric song, but maybe a little too sugary? Nice chords, even inverted ones (like inverted D7 at, 0:44, where the bass plays #F). But it doesn't matter how clever done this is, because that singing robot is getting on my nerves. I mean it – honestly! I've heard it quite a few times now. Even if the microphone stand were to break and she got the microphone in her head, she would continue to sing in her completely emotionless way. You can use such a device/synth once in a while, maybe, but not as a permanent working method - IMO.

Another thing: When the robot sings eighths between 0:43 – 0:44 and 0:47 – 0:48, the bass player does the same thing – plays eighths in the same places. I always try to avoid that, and instead build tension (if that's the right word) by trying to separate the note values, and of course this applies to all the instruments included + vocals. Even in the case of inverted chords, and a bass player playing something other than the root note, the goal should (almost) always be to avoid too many of the participating instruments playing the same note - IMO.


EsteveCorbera: Another atmospheric track. Different sections, that are separated, although not very distinctly separated – still sections. I enjoyed listening to it. Somewhere in the middle it seems as if everything starts moving in a quicker speed (although the BPM is the same). This makes it rather vivid. But as someone else has already stated: one gets the impression, sometimes, that the structure of the song is kind of random (OK, you improvised) and that a great deal of the ingredients has been chosen out of chance. And this is especially true for the drums, when they make their entrance, whether it's called a shuffle, this rhythm.

KukoBass: This is a very lovely little song. The different themes fit well together. The mood is rather happy, but in a modest way (and therefore appealing). I would have ranked you much higher if it hadn't been for the strange clarinet-sound (according to your specs it's actually two different, but I have hard to believe that Spitfire's would sound anything like this). To me it sound more like a cheap synth plugin, at least 20 years old. I'm so sorry.

becsei_gyorgy: The general is coming back from a successful campaign? Happiness on a majestic countryside? A voyage in a sailing ship, where the captain stands with the wind in his hair and sideburns, confident that he will make a great financial profit when he returns, through his trading adventure?

I know your technical prowess at this point, and your knowledge of harmony, instrumentation and so on. But this time I don't think you quite succeeded. If this is "light", then it is far too much light - you suffocate. Also: The chord sequence between 0:59 – 1:06 makes a very unimaginative impression on me. Chord number four is the same as number one. There is no real point in it. This is repeated a few times.

[colorado weeks]

so normally i don't do replies to these things, but i feel like this needs to be said:

3:43 the word 'say' (it's a #D) is very low for a woman to sing, and maybe you should have rewritten instead of letting some kind of algorithm pitch down? (Or is it actually you singing?)

yeah that's my voice! i've got a medical condition that allows me to sing comfortably down to about a D3, amid some other (rather unfortunate) side-effects. that aside, since it does reach the limits of my range, i'll definitely consider rewriting the melody when i've got a chance to revisit this track.

my feedback will be out soon, i've got about 5 more to go!

[A Future in Noise]

yeah that's my voice! i've got a medical condition that allows me to sing comfortably down to about a D3 ...

Oh, I suffer from another endocrine disorder: Secondary Adrenal Insufficiency. Luckily there are pills to compensate for the lack of cortisol. (Like if you have Addison's disease.)

[Lady Incognita]

so normally i don't do replies to these things, but i feel like this needs to be said:

3:43 the word 'say' (it's a #D) is very low for a woman to sing, and maybe you should have rewritten instead of letting some kind of algorithm pitch down? (Or is it actually you singing?)

yeah that's my voice! i've got a medical condition that allows me to sing comfortably down to about a D3, amid some other (rather unfortunate) side-effects. that aside, since it does reach the limits of my range, i'll definitely consider rewriting the melody when i've got a chance to revisit this track.

my feedback will be out soon, i've got about 5 more to go!

Just saw this and wanted to add my 2 cents. I think this is maybe more of a subjective call. I personally for example have no issues with the word 'say' at 3:43. It sounds very natural and in her voice and rather characterful to me. The note choice also sounds natural to me within the melody phrasing.
I personally wouldn't change it, but if Colorado feels like changing it, maybe changing it from D# to A# would work, but I honestly like it as it is, and she hits that D# elsewhere too, so I think it all fits together. Again, just my 2 cents...

[becsei_gyorgy]

so normally i don't do replies to these things, but i feel like this needs to be said:

3:43 the word 'say' (it's a #D) is very low for a woman to sing, and maybe you should have rewritten instead of letting some kind of algorithm pitch down? (Or is it actually you singing?)

yeah that's my voice! i've got a medical condition that allows me to sing comfortably down to about a D3, amid some other (rather unfortunate) side-effects. that aside, since it does reach the limits of my range, i'll definitely consider rewriting the melody when i've got a chance to revisit this track.

my feedback will be out soon, i've got about 5 more to go!

Just saw this and wanted to add my 2 cents. I think this is maybe more of a subjective call. I personally for example have no issues with the word 'say' at 3:43. It sounds very natural and in her voice and rather characterful to me. The note choice also sounds natural to me within the melody phrasing.
I personally wouldn't change it, but if Colorado feels like changing it, maybe changing it from D# to A# would work, but I honestly like it as it is, and she hits that D# elsewhere too, so I think it all fits together. Again, just my 2 cents...

I started listening to the songs this afternoon, each song several times in a row and I can only agree. My favorite vocal part of the song is the part from 3:36-3:57 and I think it sounds absolutely right. I also think it's subjective and there's no need to change that sound either.

[colorado weeks]

great tracks everybody! congrats on making it to the end of the month! this month was extremely stacked, and voting on a top seven was no easy feat.

my experience:
compared to the last time i participated in SWC, this was a much trickier go.
i generally start with a catchy chorus and try to fit the verses to whatever i was singing.
this proved to be rather difficult. i knew i wanted it to be a holiday-themed song, but i was vacillating between a heartbreak song or a song exploring loss of religious faith. while i eventually went the "heartbreak" route (largely due to time constraints,) a line in the "loss of faith" verse was what ultimately inspired the lyrics in the bridge.

ultimately, my priority for songwriting tends to be: lyrics, melody, arrangement, mixing/mastering, in that order. as such, it's interesting to see how the bridge and the story of the lyrics have been interpreted by y'all! this is an open question to all of you if you're reading this wall-of-text: i intended this to be a song about a husband ending an affair with a lover to go back to his wife. this is of course, sung from the lover's perspective. does this come through well enough when going over the lyrics? if it does, is it too on the nose? if it doesn't, do you have any suggestions to make this more apparent?

producing the song was its own challenge. after producing an 80's-inspired city pop track for another community challenge, i wanted to explore what made 80's synthpop what it was. my musical inspiration for this track was "Last Christmas" by Wham! while i think i may have missed the mark in some respects, it truly was a great learning experience, and i learned quite a lot from it.

i am thankful to merci ferdi, KukoBass, Doc Jon, and msgsaltsweet for their pre-vote feedback. your suggestions really helped to elevate this track!

feedback:
i'm currently on vacation right now, so i listened to all of your tracks on a pair of Sennheiser HD 598SR headphones through my laptop's headphone jack. that being said, please take my feedback with a grain of salt!

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@APi_ZZ
ooh, i'm a sucker for odd meters! as a musician who can only count to four, this was a piece that requires multiple listens. overall great palette of instruments. i was not expecting that synthy pluck that appears around 2:11 considering the largely organic soundscape, but it works well with the track and adds variety! the choral pads are a nice touch, but as Doc Jon mentioned before there is some distortion around 2:50 due to it being a bit loud. i think pulling the levels down for that section and adding a bit more variety in dynamics of the track could really elevate the track some more.
great work!

@KukoBass
love a good sleigh bell lead-in, they sit very well in the mix! love the little clarinet lead you've chosen. i think folks here are a bit unnecessarily harsh when it comes to sampled instruments -- regardless of how "realistic" it sounds, i think it sounds great with a little bit of finessing. is the sound of a pipe organ's trumpet stop "bad" because it doesn't accurately replicate the sound of a trumpet? (i'm gonna stop here before i go into a full blown rant.) it may just be my bias talking, but i would love the leads and the horn ensemble to be a little less dry. arrangement-wise, that last note at the end
feels a bit too drawn out for my tastes. overall lovely track!

@VCA-089
this piece was a real treat. lo-fi is one of my favorite genres, and i think you pulled it off exceptionally well. mixing is genre appropriate and immersive, which is everything i could ask for in a five-minute track. this was an absolute delight to listen to on headphones. i apologize, i wish i had some more substantial critiques for this one. if i had one small nitpick, it's that something about how Youtube is handling your audio is not doing it any favors; it sounds slightly more distorted on there during the louder sections. (i listened to your FLAC version and it sounded perfectly fine, though!) excellent track!

@Doc Jon
good to hear another heartbreak track for the holidays . the arrangement is fitting! Solaria sounds great on here. lyrics are appropriately schmaltzy given the subject matter/season, which is absolutely not a bad thing! (though take that statement with a grain of salt. though i'm a very emotional person, i'm uncharacteristically ...reticent with my pen.) mixing is pretty solid, but it could do with some tweaks to take it to the next level. the reverb (or delay, not sure) on the main vocal during the verses drowns out the piano in the beginning, perhaps a bit of ducking on it would tame some of that. the doubled/harmonized choruses can be brought down a bit to help it gel in the mix. finally, the bells at the end are a teeny-bit shrill. an overall lovely track!

@msgsaltsweet
great interpretation of the theme; i think your piece truly captures the idea of "twinkling lights." it's perfectly playful, and the choice of instruments works extremely well.
this piece admittedly goes against my hyper-maximalist pop sensibilities! i'm so tempted to suggest adding some sort of additional percussion, but i think that would ruin the delicateness of this piece. unfortunately, i think the piece as-is meanders a bit. you could potentially end it at about 2:29-ish, but if you want to keep the length, i suggest playing more with the dynamics and timing of your track. perhaps a bit of rubato before the beginning of a section (1:08 is a potential candidate) can draw more interest with a "push-and-pull" sort of effect. well done!

@Arelem
i have to say, this is the most novel take on the theme this month. i love an interpretation that tests the boundaries of a theme, and exploring the desire for fame and fortune truly is clever. the beat adds a great aggressive layer to the subject matter. i definitely get the trap influences, but i'm kind of missing the phonk in this one -- a bit of distortion on the kick should give it the edge it needs if you want to make it more apparently "phonk." vocals and delivery are great, but i would love them to be a bit more forward in the mix. would love to hear some more parallel compression and perhaps some more delay on them! overall, great work!

@Brandon740
great playing on these, the bass lines are my favorite, but maybe that's my bias as a bassist talking. guitar tone sounds wonderful on this! drums sound kinda treble-y and "plastic," for lack of a better term? the snare especially. i think something closer to the acoustica drum kit with Monster DRUMS might've been a better choice for this particular track.section starting at 1:50 was definitely unexpected. while i do think having a changeup around then was a good choice, the minor (diminished? hard to say without a keyboard to help me wrap my head around it) piano noodling around then just felt like it belonged to an entirely different tune. i'm guessing that's the "broken" in the "broken lights?" overall this was a great listen!

@EsteveCorbera
so the "lights" theme really seemed to lend itself to two directions, it seems: meditative and holiday-themed. it's great that we get both of this from your track. i found it extremely emotive. good call adding the additional percussion. that drumroll at 1:10 was a welcome surprise. while i think the addition of percussion adds some additional audio interest, i think this track really could benefit from a bit more exaggeration of dynamics, especially in the pad swells. the bell lead throughout could do with some variation in velocity/timing, just something to get the delivery a bit off grid. a wonderful track!

@becsei_gyorgy
yeah, this is unapologetically holiday themed. i'm currently holed up at my parents' place right now, and my kid has been watching holiday movies non-stop. this piece really feels at home with all of them, and i feel like this song comes with its own Christmas pajamas and steaming mug of hot chocolate. beautiful orchestral selection, the choir is a really nice touch. this is a piece that is like 95% there, but needs a bit of balancing. the sleigh bells in the beginning feel a bit loud throughout the piece, so much so that it uncharacteristically drowns out that really cool timpani roll around 1:36. same issue with the christmas bells. they already cut through the mix pretty well, so you can bring those levels down a bit. also, this might just be a nitpick on my end, but i think the choir comes in a little too soon at the beginning. perhaps a couple of bars of jingle bells and celesta might be nice. absolutely lovely work!

@merci ferdi
so, just an aside -- mon français est trés, trés nul. i can understand bits and pieces from the four-ish years i studied it in a country where it's not widely used, so it took me multiple listens to get a sense of what you were singing. i think having your lyrics sheet (doesn't have to be translated!) could help folks gain a better appreciation of your track, even if it's something that you might consider simple. the production of this is really slick. vocals sit perfectly in the mix and everything just feels so well balanced. definitely getting a "light" theme from the instrumental alone. chorus at the end around 1:38 is a tad bit more forward than i'd like, but to be honest, that's a nitpick on my part. overall, excellent track!

@Lady Incognita
again, really great take on the theme! much like Arelem, this was an interpretation of the theme i truly wasn't expecting, and you executed it well. lots of neat ear candy in the instrumental. the filter sweep around 1:38 and at the end was really cool! i get that the vocals are supposed to be soft and intimate, but they seem to be a bit buried in the mix. you've got the right timbre in your performance, i think you can safely bring those levels up without destroying the tenderness of this song! percussion also needs to be brought down a tad, since it seems to compete with your vocal for center stage. overall, great work!

@1ktone
this fits the theme so well. great choice of sounds for this. i think choosing to forgo percussion and using the bassline as the anchor for the rhythm makes this piece delicate, but grounded. i absolutely love the looseness of this, i think playing this live and not quantizing it (or quantizing it minimally, i'm not exactly sure what you did) really adds some life into the track. this is something i never thought i would find myself saying with a track, but part of me feels like this could be a bit longer? something about the way that the sections are introduced feel a little rushed, given the genre, and part of me is wondering that giving your sections a few extra bars to breathe would help to make it come off a bit more deliberate. lovely song!

@JeroenZuiderwijk
so, there's someone here in this community *coughKOEKEPANcough* who's been singing the praises of Sunvox for the longest. since i'm a big baby who grew up on FL Studio's piano roll, tracker-style DAWs just absolutely confound me. i just found it so unintuitive. in addition to that, sound design is not one of my strong suits. that being said, i'm amazed at what folks are able to produce in Sunvox and this is no exception. even if i had no reference to what this song was made with, it's pretty clear that this is tracker music. nice sound design on this one; i think the distortion on this is extremely charming. i think this piece at times feels disjointed, due to the transitions being rather abrupt. perhaps a riser created from some generated white noise and some verb could help with that? aside from that, great track!

@Mellow Browne
i'm a sucker for cool jazzy progressions, so you really got me there. arrangement is solid, mix is pretty clean and the drums are appropriately forward. the panning effect at 1:55 was really cool! i think the achilles heel of this entry is the lack of variation in velocity with the drums. this is most apparent in the hi-hats around 1:00 where they're kind of machine gun-y. even if these are drum machine samples, they do need some sort of swing or human element with them. judging from the screenshot you shared, i'm guessing you're a Logic Pro user? so i'm sure that they have some "groove template" functionality to add some humanization to the drum patterns. those bits aside, it's a great track!

@A Future in Noise
this was a very fun track! the genre suits the subject matter perfectly; it strikes a great balance between rock and musical theater.
i wish the drums were a bit more forward/punchier in the mix, maybe more compression would help. the articulation in the strings parts do not feel
edgy enough for a rock and roll track. since you're using BBC Spitfire Audio, i suggest having a spiccato track for some of the shorter string lines for a bit more bite.
vocals sound great and cut through the mix well. the spoken vocals in the bridge seem to be a touch loud compared to the vocals. great track!

votes:

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1. VCA-089
2. merci ferdi
3. Arelem
4. becsei_gyorgy
5. Lady Incognita
6. APi_ZZ
7. EsteveCorbera

[Doc Jon]

I feel like the lyrics are ai-generated. It has to do with the cadence and flow, the rhythmic does not sound human to my ears. But I could be wrong and I certainly don’t want to offend you

I feel I need to point out that all the lyrics were 100% my own work, no AI involved whatsoever - in fact I was rather pleased with them!!

[Mellow Browne]

Why are there two different keyboards at the beginning; one with significantly more distorted sound than the other? (Or sometimes slow attack?)

It's because I added an automation track of Cableguys Halftime throughout the whole track and blended it with the original piano chords which creates this effect of 2 layers.

i think the achilles heel of this entry is the lack of variation in velocity with the drums. this is most apparent in the hi-hats around 1:00 where they're kind of machine gun-y. even if these are drum machine samples, they do need some sort of swing or human element with them.

Well, there is some velocity variation with the kick and the hi-hat but apparently it was not enough and too subtle. I thought about automated panning for the hi-hat but I forgot to implement it. But you're absolutely right, I should've tried to get more swing feeling into the hats.

I feel I need to point out that all the lyrics were 100% my own work, no AI involved whatsoever - in fact I was rather pleased with them!!

Ooops , well, then I'm very sorry for assuming this.