SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC073 September 2023 - Winners announced

[Doc Jon]

Things I have learned during this month’s competition:
Time constraints were against me this month and I thought that using a vocal acapella from a sample pack would be a good idea – but by the end of the track I had decided that this was a mistake!! The overall constraints of trying to fit in with a pre-determined vocal line and melody were more of a hindrance than a help and I will not be taking that route again
I did however concentrate much more this month on sprinkling little sound Fx here and there and spent more time on my transitions between sections which I think is a good habit to develop for the future


Arelem: Anxiety
Fits this month’s brief very nicely. Nice percussion and sound Fx throughout. Good lyrics and an authentic hip hop/trap feel to the whole production. I am not really a fan of the heavily autotuned vocal effect but it does work well in this context and the vocal doubling is very effective when used. Catchy strings sequence but it does get a bit repetitive by the end of the track. In a very strong field this month this only just missed out on top 3

BenjiRage: Above The Clouds
Ah, the 80s, I remember them well! Authentic 80s vibe and typical 80s mix. Personally I like Synthesizer V as I think it’s a valuable tool for producing demos - particularly when you have used it so effectively as you have done here. I suspect you put in a lot of work with the fine tuning to get such a natural sounding vocal, good work. Well written song, great arrangement, great transitions between sections - altogether very very good indeed. Is there anything I would change? – not really, maybe lift the piano solo up a fifth or an octave in the second 8 bars for a really euphoric boost but that’s just nitpicking, honestly this was absolutely superb through and through – very well done!

EsteveCorbera: TresFasesDeLaMent
Lovely atmospheric intro and opening section. When the beat comes in the whole feel of the track changes quite significantly. I love the patches you have used with those typical Vangelis and Jarre sounds. The drum sounds are also suitably retro sounding and it all fits together well. By about the 5.00 mark I was finding it becoming a little repetitive and found myself wanting the track to develop further with another new section being introduced. The outro was very atmospheric and moody and complemented the similar intro very nicely

KukoBass: Shattered
A nice laid back track with an intimate ‘room’ sound and nicely played piano accompaniment. Good laid back beat and groove – but that synth that comes in at 0:21 is too loud and remains too loud throughout the track, it is just too resonant and intrusive. Well done for including vocals which fit with the track’s overall feel. The vocal line sounds quite ‘in your head’ and I think maybe just a little more ambience/room reverb would help to place it better in the mix

Jinjer93: Virtue Signals
Well this is an interesting and very good track. It makes a refreshing change to have a less purely electronic track and there is a definite indie rock with a touch of punk vibe going on here. Great vocal, nicely recorded with great lyrics and a catchy chorus. Stripped back groove and sparse guitar is highly effective in this setting. Nice arrangement and well mixed to my ears. Any changes to suggest – yes, track was too short, more of the same please with a guitar solo thrown in at 2:03 for good measure! Overall excellent work

VCA-089: Broken Mirror
Fantastic intro once again, immediately grabs the attention. Lovely chorused guitars and great lo-fi feel. Very obvious to me what you are aiming for here and I think you have achieved it very well, authentic early Cure/Cocteau Twins feel but at the same time sounding quite original with your own vocal. Great guitar solo work and love the drum sounds (I had one of those RX machines back in the day!). I found the vocal quite hypnotic and the heavy feedback delays gave a great trippy feel to the whole production. Overall quite a bold choice of direction to take with this track but implemented very well and all very nicely done


Voting

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1) BenjiRage
2) Jinjer93
3) VCA-089

[jinjer93]

Edit: Finally got back to the updates. Not even sure if it's in time, but it was a blast!

I didn't know what kind of music to expect and was pleasantly surprised. A lot of the tunes filled me with nostalgia and there was one in particular I smelled the cinnamon candle and spiced rum next to me clicking away in FL Studio back when it was Fruity Loops lol
Time got away from me with a lot of projects, so I hope to see a lot of you in the next go! Thanks for the experience, now I got a lot of homework to do.

@Arelem Anxiety:
I loved this. I've been recently getting into more trap/pop side of things, just seems to be inclusive to a lot of punk these days so I've been learning the core elements and typical arrangements. If criticism is open for acceptance, I would say there's a lot of "static" parts. For instance, "Get my head straight" being just the vocal would make the chorus hit harder immediately. Another thing is coming from first chorus, I would drop the beat for the first two bars and bring it back WITH bass. You already have a transition with the static swell, so the chorus would still impact even with the bass.
Overall, though, this is just nitpicking. Love what you did with it and hope to see you on a next contest!

@BenjiRage Avobe The Clouds:
These are FAKE vocals?! I need to look into that, that's wild. The only thing I'd suggest is repeating the chorus after the piano solo, or having a bridge vocal.. but like, this song is a 10/10. I'm sorry to hear about your tinnitus, I hope the best for you and am glad to see you working on getting the music out while you can.

@EsteveCorbera - TresFasesDeLaMent
It reminds me of Dr. Who, or some epic sci-fi theme soundtrack! I have a harsh and immediate sensitivity to sounds that are out of key, and the main synth while all notes are technically inside the key, there's a "key center" that I feel the track would benefit more from if utilized. In a less technical term, the lead synth is too happy on top of a thrilling, dark adventure! Mid-writing, I realized this reminds me of tower climbing to an epic boss fight in Final Fantasy games. I love this, so I hope the critique translates well.

@KukoBass - Shattered
This was a toughy, and I had to listen a couple times to catch the vibe. I actually like the decision for the louder warble sound, just think it could be pulled back into the speakers. Love the vibe, the eerie spoken thoughts over the groove. Very psychedelic old school rock groove tucked in there somewhere I could see pulled out somehow maybe?

@VCA-089 - Broken Mirror
Crank those guitarssssss. The style of vocal can sacrifice intelligibility a little and depend on filters and/or distortion to cut through if necessary. That would mask a little of the fakeness of the drums. Kinda reminds me of Alice In Chains or something in that realm of dark rock. It's a good clean balance overall, if that was your goal. But if it was to emphasize the dissonance, I would say the guitars going up would transform the song.

@Doc Jon - Happy
I love this the more I hear it. I just wanna hear the master, I would put this in a playlist honestly! Either the vocals are too loud or the synths are too scooped in the midrange.

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1st vote - @BenjiRage 2nd vote - @Arelem and 3rd vote @Doc Jon

[BenjiRage]

Thank you @Doc Jon @jinjer93, I really appreciate your kind feedback . Also, @Doc Jon I actually have you to thank for my discovery of SynthV, it was your "Postcards" entry from a few months back where I first heard it being used and it was a jaw dropping moment!

Here's my feedback for all the entrants:

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Arelem
I really like the strings and effects you've used and your track has strong, emotive lyrics very relevant to this month's competition. The kick drum is a bit too overpowering in the mix for me, although it's probably appropriate for the genre. Also, as mentioned previously, the vocals seem to sit slightly behind the beat in places and could be a little louder / more compressed to be more audible. A good, solid entry overall though and I like it.

DocJon
To say you wrote this based around a stock acapella vocal line, I wouldn't have guessed at all if you hadn't said! I think it's a very well made and professional track, with great instrumentation and a very good mix. Love the bass line too (kind of reminds me of Axel F!) and all the little synth sprinkles here and there are fantastic and add lots of interest. A couple of small things that stood out to me were that the snare sounds like it's panned over to the right slightly, which puts the beat a bit off centre and the vocoder vocals could be a little louder or more compressed as the words are not easily audible over the instruments, but these are easy fixes and don't detract from the enjoyment. Overall, I love it, great work

EsteveCorbera
I like the dark and brooding soundscapes you've created for the beginning and end of the track, very nicely done. I can also see how you've created the sections of mental state represenatation you describe using the different synth lines - they're very distinct, but sometimes a bit too much of an abrupt change between them (feeling a bit like "here's idea 1, and now here's idea 2..."). Also the drum rhythm does get quite boring after a while, ideally needs more variation, fills or some breaks to keep the level of interest up. Overall though I can appreciate how you've used the music to convey your ideas and this has been done well.

Jinjer93
I really like your track, very good mix on the whole, with a professional/commercial sound that wouldn't sound at all out of place on the radio today. There's a little bit of distortion in places where it sounds like the level has been pushed too hard (eg: at 51 secs). The vocals are very well produced, clear and audible with thoughful use of EQ and de-essing to tame any harshness. The track could do with extending with a solo or instrumental break around the 2 min mark as DocJon touched on, followed by a final chorus to close out - but it does leave the listener wanting more, which isn't always bad thing!

KukoBass
Your track has a good driving rhythm from the bass & drums and I like the lead synth sound you've used (kind of reminds me of the music from the "Return to Planet-X" level of TimeSplitters2 ) but it's a bit too loud in the mix and quite often feels overpowering. However, mix decisions aside, I really like your track. There's an inherent sadness to the music which delivers the "shattered" feeling extremely well and the vocals, although quite rough sounding, are authentic and honest and help to convey this. The arrangement is quite simple, but I like it as the mind is more focussed on the feeling created by the music and I find listening to it quite moving.

VCA-089
Great retro sounding drums that have a nice variation with interesting fills and what seems like a drummer's attention to detail. Some of the guitars and synths seem quite pushed back but perhaps it's just the creative use of the reverb. The vocals are cool but a bit hard to tell what they're saying with the heavy echo delay - although this does make them seem that bit more crazy, so it certainly works in that respect! A couple of other things that stick out to me - the lead guitar is a little harsh around the 2.5kHz region (some mild EQ could sort this) and the ending reverb tail seems to cut off too soon (but maybe this was intentional?). Overall though, I think it's a very good arrangement which strongly conveys the "schizophrenic" feeling as the track progresses, feeling quite deranged towards the end!

My Top 3:

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1. DocJon
2. KukoBass
3. jinjer93

It's been very enjoyable taking part in this month's competition and has given me quite a boost to know I can still actually write a song on my own. I've also greatly enjoyed listening to all the entries and am very greatful for the feedback received. Perhaps some of the most important things that I've taken away from this month's game are:

• Depending on how it's used, a simple musical arrangement can be just as powerful as a complex one

• I shouldn't have to feel compelled to add vocals to a track, instrumental arrangements can be just as enjoyable

• Strive to always keep the listener interested, even if on a sub-concious level. Small variations in rhythms, melodies, harmonies, timbre etc will help to achieve this.

[BenjiRage]

...maybe lift the piano solo up a fifth or an octave in the second 8 bars for a really euphoric boost...

Oh yeah I can absolutely hear this now that you've said it, I'll have to remember this for the next one!

[Doc Jon]

Also, @Doc Jon I actually have you to thank for my discovery of SynthV, it was your "Postcards" entry from a few months back where I first heard it being used and it was a jaw dropping moment!

Pleased to have been of service!!

[A Future in Noise]

Bonus track – submitted too late.

For me personally, mental health is intimately connected with the ability to completely abstain from everything that has got anything to do with all kinds of religion. This is what the lyrics is about. Unfortunately I didn't have time to finish this entry. The reflection section of this song is primarily in the bridge / recitative.

Lyrics

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Verse 1
It was quite obvious
last Christmas
your reflections
of a man
he was a cheat
never neat

Chorus 1
If you
wanna get rid of an ancient affair
there's a lot you can question
don't be afraid
but shatter the humbug
agony will never be fruitful
open your eyes
try to determine
what is sane

Verse 2
Trying to drop a curse
from heaven
and it looks like
it is gone
(but) you are (still) blind
(I) hope you don't mind

Chorus 2
If you
wanna get rid of an ancient affair
there's a lot you can question
don't be afraid
but shatter the humbug

you don't have to
be a prey

[Gtr solo]

Bridge / recitative
It's been three years now, since I finally had to ask myself: do I really want to continue living this lie, or would I rather throw the heavily incongruous parts overboard? Old books ... Strange claims about events and conditions that have never been proven true.

[Didn't have time to finnish the last two choruses.]

[Mister Fox]

A quick update
Bonus Entry added in to the Global Song Collection post (post #020)

[BenjiRage]

Bonus track – submitted too late.

For me personally, mental health is intimately connected with the ability to completely abstain from everything that has got anything to do with all kinds of religion. This is what the lyrics is about. Unfortunately I didn't have time to finish this entry. The reflection section of this song is primarily in the bridge / recitative.

Hey, even if not finished I think this is a good sounding production. Your guitars sound great and I really like the arrangement. Lyrically it does seems a little bit cryptic/abstract and had you not said it concerns religion I wouldn't necessarily have guessed this. Also, the talking part that forms the bridge feels a bit weird/out-of-place to me. I appreciate the reflectiveness but I think it would be more pleasing to the listener if it was sung. But still, good work

[A Future in Noise]

Bonus track – submitted too late.

For me personally, mental health is intimately connected with the ability to completely abstain from everything that has got anything to do with all kinds of religion. This is what the lyrics is about. Unfortunately I didn't have time to finish this entry. The reflection section of this song is primarily in the bridge / recitative.

Hey, even if not finished I think this is a good sounding production. Your guitars sound great and I really like the arrangement. Lyrically it does seems a little bit cryptic/abstract and had you not said it concerns religion I wouldn't necessarily have guessed this. Also, the talking part that forms the bridge feels a bit weird/out-of-place to me. I appreciate the reflectiveness but I think it would be more pleasing to the listener if it was sung. But still, good work

Very kind of you to comment on my submission, even though I'm not entering the contest this month. As for Above the Clouds, my first impression is that it is a very well mixed song. But maybe too long for being a song without a bridge or other things that stand out. Admittedly, there is a part between 2:48 – 3:52 that is instrumental. But as I judge it, without having analyzed meticulously, the chord progression behind is exactly the same here. Also: aside from what I said about "well-mixed", I thought the overall impression is that everything is a little too smooth. Part of that is due, I guess, to the super-smooth synthetic vocals. But also the super hard compression. I imported your wav.file into REAPER, to be able to listen with extra EQ with my earbuds, which I carry with me when I'm not at home. When I saw the graph on the display of my laptop, it occurred to me that the lack of roughness may be due to the fact that the truepeak never exceeds -5 dB. I will try to attach a screenshot of that graph. Then I will return, when/if time permits, with further observations.

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I can't really see why you wanted to compress like this (and I haven't checked iLUFS, but still a good song! Keep up the good work.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bQKgDs ... sp=sharing

[A Future in Noise]

Lyrically it does seem a little bit cryptic/abstract ...

Un-cryptisize activities is a crusial thing when it comes to interpret lyrics, I believe. But I cannot judge my own talent as a writer, of course. I hesitated about the line " ... rid of ancient affairs ..." before I posted. I wish I had found a better way to express it, but I didn't. English isn't my native language, but everybody is so used to hear that language accompany contemporary music.