SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC087 November 2024 - Winners announced

[VCA-089]

This month was a great time to practice on my new instruments and to learn how to properly edit them. I even made the decision to switch the DAW because I found that Reaper is much better and easier when it comes to recording and editing audio.

I didn't have much time this weekend to analyse the songs in all the details, so this is a very brief feedback.

► Show Spoiler

1. aFutureInNoise - SantaClause

A 70's style rock tune with absurd lyrics, probably related to current day politics.
A very dense arrangement. The horn section and the woodwind solo was nice.
To me the vocal lines don't feel natural and attractive at all. It feels like someone improvising over a backing track and trying to fit his own lyrics into the song.
Compared to most of the previous works this song has a much better production quality.

2. Elcubano - Storm's Solace

Great atmospheric heavy rock song, it has a mid 2000's feel in it.
The guitar tones are spot on. Great solo playing.
The keyboard pads and synth plucks work nicely with guitars in the quiet sections.
The production quality is very good.

3. Robooo - Gotta Go but 1st

This song has a very deep atmosphere, I'm getting strong western vibes.
Very good guitar playing with very consistent bends, the thing I struggle to learn.
To me the percussion parts sound too dry and upfront. It also clashes with the bass.
There are too many sounds in the later sections of the song where everything starts to clash. I was hoping for a more consistent development of the main melody.
Generally the production feels balanced to me.

4. EsteveCorbera - Relaxa't I Viu El Moment

A very good electro-ambient composition with a consistent retro sci-fi spacey atmosphere.
No complaints over synthetic pads and SFX, very lush soundscape.
The guitar parts sound very "MIDI'ish", like someone is improvising on the keyboard. Those sounds could be seamlessly replaced with synths.
Good production quality.

5. PonySho - Stringy

A very 60's flavoured rock song that sounds original yet very familiar.
I really like the guitar tones, especially the fuzzed telecaster.
The vocal melody and the lyrics are very catchy and memorable.
I wish the drums could be more developed and organic instead of a drum loop.
I think I missed some keyboard sounds, the B3 electric organ could fit for the song.
The production quality is very good, but I think it sounds too sterile. There could be a little bit more saturation and a vinyl SFX maybe.

6. Mouse the Singer - Strings Attached

An indie rock piece that has some late 70's/early 80's feel.
I feel like the piano and violin parts start to dominate the mix too much when they appear.
Some of the guitar parts are missing tempo too much.
The vocals are very ethereal sounding and generally feels like budget recording which makes it contrast too much on the generally pristine composition.

7. Ike H-mope - Waiting in the Yard

Weird stuff. For the first time I thought that the cords in the background are some sort of electric piano, but then I realised that this is a sampled guitar sound.

8. Paramnesia - OccamsKrzr

Sounds like a decent demo of a modern metal song (if we would call a 2010's djent metal a modern music)
The intro section feels like it's taken from another song. It doesn't fit to the rest of the composition (the song could start at 00:51).
The drums are very synthetic. The sound is dry, thin and generally feels too "MIDI'ish".
It feels like the guitar riffs are taken from several famous songs.
It's a bit of personal taste, but the sections where guitars constantly hitting a single note are not that interesting to hear in 2024.
Generally the song feels unfinished. No vocals, no keyboards, no atmosphere. Just a collection of rhythm tracks.

09. OlliH - Old Vinyl

This song definitely has some 50's flavour, it feels like an old TV show soundtrack.
For some reason I thought that this song may have a banjo part in it. At least I can hear it in my mind.
Although I cannot understand the lyrics, the vocal part brings warm and nostalgic vibes that I really like.
I was thinking that all the guitar parts are played live until I looked at the tech info. Someone has gotten much better at programming "RealLPC" than me (at least for the tasks specific for this song).
Both stylisticly and technically this song is well produced.

Voting:

► Show Spoiler

1. PonySho - Stringy
2. Elcubano - Storm's Solace
3. OlliH - Old Vinyl
4. Robooo - Gotta Go but 1st
5. Mouse the Singer - Strings Attached

[Mister Fox]

I just discovered that the deadline is tonight, December first. It's been a while since I participated in this contest, and I thought the deadline was the second of the “month after”, if the contest month has only 30 days (like November).

The "deadline" has always been the end of the 01st of the month. With rare exceptions, or a different handling for February (since this is the shortest month of the year). But this would have always been pointed out, and reminders been sent. In fact, you got the "SWC087 reminder newsletter" and the "start of the month" one. Whether or not you have read them, I can not tell.

I'm having a hard time finding time to write decent feedback now during the day. So I'm thinking of posting my feedback tomorrow, the second of December. Then I'll be disqualified (I guess?), but I guess it's the feedback that's important here, and not the competition itself? Maybe @Mister Fox has a view on this?

The "fallback mechanic" would take over. Something that also exists since 2022.

If you didn't submit your feedback by the time the deadline has been reached, there will be another reminder email and you have one more day to get your feedback/vote sorted out. Should you handle that within this time frame, you will only see a -5pts penalty on the score sheet. If you do not interact, or the vote is missing, your entry will be placed "OUT".

The choice is always yours.



Other than that:

@VCA-089 just added his feedback/vote. Thank you for that.
I'm still not seeing a vote from @R0boooo --- and I am unable to make "educated guesses" based upon the given feedback.

We have less than 6 hours on the clock.

[A Future in Noise]

Reflections this month:

Some of you, for example @OlliH and @VCA-089, have said something like that the melody (in the chorus) is hard to remember, and that it almost sounds like someone, afterwards, is trying to "squeeze in" lyrics that don't belong at all with the song in question . This is partly true. The chorus comes from a 20-year-old song, but with a completely different verse. I always liked that chorus and wanted to do a new version. Now it turned out like this. Example: The first line of the chorus 20 years ago was: "Waiting for - nothing" And now instead it became: "Picture a - season ..." That “pause” before nothing - it is probably (?) much more natural than a silent note before "season" (?) Anyway: I chose to sing the new chorus with exactly the same phrasing and note values (and number of syllables etc.) as the old one.

Should I write new songs instead of returning to old ones? That's the real big question for me! Maybe six months ago I came to the conclusion that I feel like I'm dying (musically) if I don't get to write anything new. But then I came to the conclusion that I have a whole stock of old "catchy" songs that were made with substandard equipment (KORG M1 as the only instrument; two standard cassette decks). But that it would be stupid not to use them, when after a long "break" (that is, many years) I hear them again and can determine which songs were good and which were less successful. Maybe I should have stayed away from Santa Clause, but the revival of Get A Grip (which some of you may have heard) was all the more successful.



PonySho, Stringy

Lou Reed meets the Sex Pistols, was my first reaction, after a few bars of the song. But then, when I listened again, I wasn't sure if there is coverage for that observation. In any case, there's a wonderful “out of tune/key part” between about 0:52 – 0:56, where the bass player and guitarist don't quite play in the same key (?) But don't get me wrong, I liked this, otherwise I wouldn't have placed you as number one. Any suggestions for improvements I actually do not have. If you want to sound like an "angry young Englishman", you've succeeded. (Unfortunately, I haven't had time to analyze the lyrics.)

OlliH, Old Vinyl

The song's "sound" here has an unmistakable touch of the neighboring country to the east of mine, which makes the song stand out in relation to other submissions. Even though the song starts out as a country song, my mind doesn't wander off to Nashville. In any case, you treat the guitars (how many?) brilliantly. A suggestion for improvement - take it with a huge grain of salt: Would you consider having a native American English speaker sing to exact the same accompaniment? It would be interesting to find out how much the overall impression would change, but I dare not even guess how big or small the difference would be. The musical instruments all sound very real, but I'm guessing the drums for example are a plugin? (Unfortunately, I don't have time to read your production notes.)

Elcubano67, Storm's Solace

I'm simply copying, and pasting, what I wrote on Sunday, November 10, because as far as I know, you haven't uploaded a new version since then: “Some brief comments: the mix is well executed. I don't think I would want to raise or lower the volume of any of the instruments, or use EQ differently than you did. However, I think it's a little hard on the ears when the opening storm (thunder) is mixed with the electric bass. You could very well fade out the storm earlier.

What I miss here is melody. I know it's emphasized that there doesn't have to be vocals. And there is some kind of rudimentary melody in the guitars, but I can't help but want more of that, but that's just my personal opinion. In what kind of situation would I choose to listen to this song, I asked myself, if it were commercially released? I came to the conclusion that it might work as relaxation music, despite its raw expression, i.e. metal. (And you write something about “calm” in your post.) By the way, I noticed that the first chord of what might be described as a chorus changes when this part is repeated a second time. The second time it sounds like a pure major chord. The first time I can't quite analyze what it is, but it sounds like a chord with at least four notes. Variation is always good.”

Robert / R0boooo, Gotta Go

Since you haven't uploaded any new version after your first version, I think the best feedback I can give you is my first impression, which is the feedback you received on November 20th. I wrote a rather long post then, so you can go back and look if you want. (BTW: when I wandered around in my flat earlier today, wearing my new headphones, I found your musical piece very pleasant to listen to.)

VCA089

If I'm not mistaken, you almost always use guitars with overdrive/distortion in your submissions (?) I don't think I've heard a song as poor in that respect as this one is from you before. I still feel doubtful if that's really a guitar that appears at about 0:12. It could be a synth, too, but OK – it's probably a guitar. (Now I hear – a guitar appears at 2:27 … ) Anyway, my very first impression - the first 15 seconds or so - was that this was a Madonna song from 1987. As usual, your song is very well produced and well mixed. But you use those 80s toms (more than a tad of Phil Collins) a little too much. I actually don't think they fit the song, even if you deliberately want it to sound 80s.

Votes:

► Show Spoiler

1 PonySho, Stringy

2 OlliH, Old Vinyl

3 Elcubano67, Storm's Solace

4 Robert / R0boooo, Gotta Go

5 VCA089

[PonySho]

A very 60's flavoured rock song that sounds original yet very familiar.
I really like the guitar tones, especially the fuzzed telecaster.
The vocal melody and the lyrics are very catchy and memorable.
I wish the drums could be more developed and organic instead of a drum loop.
I think I missed some keyboard sounds, the B3 electric organ could fit for the song.
The production quality is very good, but I think it sounds too sterile. There could be a little bit more saturation and a vinyl SFX maybe.

Hi @VCA-089 Thanks for listening and feedback

I agree with you about the drums. They were not great and that's the big downfall of this song. I just didn't have time to edit them. My original idea was to have my buddy, who's a session drummer, play for this song but he was busy and we couldn't find the time. Real drums would have really elevated the song.
I take your point about the organ and agree that it could have worked well - a great thickener for choruses in rock songs but I wanted to stick to 'strings' as much as possible so it was deliberate not to use it.
And, an interesting comment about saturation - there's tons of it in this song. Besides being on the guitars, it's on the bass the snare and the vocals. I think that any more would have pushed the song to far into a fuzzy territory.

Good stuff and thanks again for the review.

[Paramnesia]

Sounds like a decent demo of a modern metal song (if we would call a 2010's djent metal a modern music)
The intro section feels like it's taken from another song. It doesn't fit to the rest of the composition (the song could start at 00:51).
The drums are very synthetic. The sound is dry, thin and generally feels too "MIDI'ish".
It feels like the guitar riffs are taken from several famous songs.
It's a bit of personal taste, but the sections where guitars constantly hitting a single note are not that interesting to hear in 2024.
Generally the song feels unfinished. No vocals, no keyboards, no atmosphere. Just a collection of rhythm tracks.

This is indeed modern metal, there are still many bands who are creating new music in this genre, though yes, it did originate around 2010.

I can understand you not liking the intro with the rest of the song, but, thats just a taste thing I enjoy dynamics and love the slow build into the verse. It does suffer by not having vocals to help carry it along as does a few other sections in this song. I enjoy progressive styles of music however so that is an important note.

The drums being too midi I can understand they are programmed however I have a ton of dynamics programmed in and every hit has been humanized to try and give it a more realistic feature not much else I can do there. My room mics and reverb are fully automated across the entire song constantly changing volume to help certain parts sound larger or bring in other sections and make them a bit more tighter and in your ear.

This comment on the riffs taken from several other songs, could you please share what songs you believe I am ripping off or copying? I wasn't listening to anything and spent quite a bit of my own time experimenting when I wrote these sections so I would be interested to see if I did accidently copy someone.

Single note thing is entirely your taste, again dynamics are super important in a song especially with such a busy verse already and as I mentioned earlier vocals would really help to fill in some space there.

There are no keyboards in that one though I do use quite a bit of synth in other tracks for support. I don't like to overuse synth though and at the end of the day I want sound of a band playing. There actually is some lead work, specifically an atmospheric lead in the chorus section maybe you missed it, but I guess I could look into adding some more to this track just for support and texture.

For someone who seemingly understands this style of music and has a grasp of mixing and songwriting I am a little disappointed in your feedback I certainly don't mind people disliking my songs but I'm hopeful for opportunities to grow and I feel like you could have given me something a bit more useful to work with.

Goodluck with your entry.

[Mister Fox]

It's the 02nd December 2024, 00:10 (UTC+1/CET) - the Voting Period has officially ended.

Sadly, not all participants have submitted final feedback, we would therefore have 1 disqualification.



This would mean @R0boooo, where not only a Top 5 vote is missing, but also personal reflection for this month's game.

@A Future in Noise decided to post feedback (the bare minimum) and cast a vote. However, from understanding a previous post of yours, you ran into time constraints. I offer you to still add to your feedback by the time the "Overtime Mechanic" has ended. Penalty points will not happen, since your "Initial" feedback arrived within the deadline. The rest is bonus.

!

Bonus Info

I will send out another newsletter/message to the participants in question, give you until the end of Monday, 02-DEC-2024 (23:59 UTC+1/CET to be precise) as per the rule book on the voting process ("overtime mechanic"). If there is a feedback and a vote by the one missing participant in question, only -5 points will be deducted from the scoresheet. Else, sadly a disqualification. The other feedback posts will be handled via the known bonus point mechanic. Once I have this feedback as well, I will post the results within 2-3 days and take "late feedback" into consideration. (this is not an automated process) The only disqualification criteria is by "not participating" with feedback at the end of the game. Time constraints can happen -- but I do not consider entries to be "withdrawn" at this point. You unfortunately just didn't have the time.

Everyone else, please no more changes to your vote. Thank you.

Please don't just gather feedback, and don't give anything back. This is not what the Songwriting Competition is about. To those that kept their feedback brief, please consider at least adding just "a tad more".


Please have an eye on this thread

[OlliH]

The song's "sound" here has an unmistakable touch of the neighboring country to the east of mine, which makes the song stand out in relation to other submissions.

I don't mind sounding Finnish. Like any small country, also Finland has some local bands and guitarists who are awesome but still unknown outside their own country.

Even though the song starts out as a country song, my mind doesn't wander off to Nashville. In any case, you treat the guitars (how many?) brilliantly. A suggestion for improvement - take it with a huge grain of salt: Would you consider having a native American English speaker sing to exact the same accompaniment? It would be interesting to find out how much the overall impression would change, but I dare not even guess how big or small the difference would be.
mine, which makes the song stand out in relation to other submissions.

I would prefer anybody else over me. In a weak moment even a modern American country singer would do. If I had to choose some of them, I'd probably go with Junior Brown. He has a good dose of irony in his voice. But most of all I would love to have modern Swedish sound. It's exceptional. You guys over there have an ability to take best parts of any genre and melt them together and create a new sound. During the last summer I must have listened 10 times Lars Winnerbäck's latest album "Neutronstjärnan". It has catchy old-time guitar pop melody lines with modern instrumentation and production ideas. To me it functions as a bridge which hopefully can take me from last century to todays sonic spheres. At least it guides the way, the one which I probably must tred myself.

The musical instruments all sound very real, but I'm guessing the drums for example are a plugin? (Unfortunately, I don't have time to read your production notes.)

Unfortunately day by day - now that my mind is no longer working and my fingers are turning into thin sausages - I have to rely more and more on various cheating methods, or whatever they call virtual instruments. On the other hand, if I learn to use them properly, maybe I will be able to use musical ideas that I would never have been able to play myself.

[OlliH]

I was thinking that all the guitar parts are played live until I looked at the tech info. Someone has gotten much better at programming "RealLPC" than me (at least for the tasks specific for this song).

I first played everything with a real guitar, but I wanted to test the possibilities of RealLPC. So I made me a challenge that I tried to remake with midi and RealLPC some of the guitar parts that I just played in. That worked pretty fine with those easy damped single note comping parts (Luther Perkins style). So, no special skills yet, but RealLPC offered me a possibility to test and add some trickier note lines, that I would have been too lazy to memorize and play in real life. So in that sense it was a positive experience. Hopefully next time I learn to do some hammer-ons and pull-offs. That is to say, I try to learn realLPC trick by trick.

[A Future in Noise]

During the last summer I must have listened 10 times Lars Winnerbäck's latest album "Neutronstjärnan".

You are going to receive a PM in 1-2 hours, or so.

[Ike H-mope]

Hi, Everyone. Even though I had to drop out this month, would like to give feedback if it's wanted.

First, thanks for the feedback on my song. I've written, played and/or performed different types of music in my life, from straight-up singer/songwriter/guitar, to jazz, to underground experimental multi-media electronica, to classical. At this point, I just want to hear things I haven't heard before. There are still great traditional-style songs to be written. But, I can't let go of finding something I haven't heard yet. I've studied early 20th century music and am a huge fan of dissonance and abstraction as long as it's for a purpose, not just for effect. My submission sounds "right" to me, though of course I get that most people won't agree. Selfish or not, I'm ultimately writing it for an audience of 1.

=====

Listening on mono computer speaker, which is how to usually listen to music when not working on my own


A future in Noise - Santa Clause

Sounds like a 70's Christmas song, a little bit ELP, a little bit top 40. Nicely done. Solid wall of sound arranging. Can't find anything to criticize or suggest for improvement.


El Cubano - Storm's Solace

Well arranged, well played, I can hear little melodies even when it's just rhythm guiar and bass, there's always something to listen to. Glad you toned down the intro thunder, reducing it adds to song instead of distracting. I like your restrained solos, but would also love to hear you go over the top at some point. I think this song would do well with a more progressive-metal style drumming.

R0boooo - Gott Go but 1st

Very much like the abstractness and even oddness of it at times. Very nice guitar playing. Melodic, engaging, dynamic. I kind of like acoustics when they don't sound so pristine, but that's very much just an opinion. You're very good at leaving space and clear phrasing.

EsteveCorbera - Relaxa't I Viu El Moment

I think you hit the moodiness and ambience very well. I have to say the opening whoosh seems unnecessary. The pad is so relaxing and windlike the initial wind sound seems almost distracting. I like that I don't know what's a synth or effect or reverb. Really nice soundscape, and even without specific melodies, very listenable.

PonySho - Stringy

This is such a catchy, fun, dead-on rock song. I honestly can't find anything to say for "constructive criticism". I like it all...

mouse the singer - Strings attached

I really like the washed-in-reverb sound. Could do without the intro 10-20 seconds, doesn't add anything to my hearing of it. Love the drum sound, like the mournful melody and singing, nice arranging with the guitars and keys. Feel like the drums could be more relaxed. 4 minutes is technically "long" but I was with it start to finish. I'm fan of songs having real endings, so glad yours does, but this also would have worked with a nice long fade out.

VCA-089 - Twilight Forest

Like that drum machine. Like the minimalist arrangement. Kept waiting for a vocal to come in. The music's engaging as-is, but also sounds like the bed for a melody that isn't here yet. That would be a great song challenge -- Everyone writes there own melody on this. Hope that comes across as the compliment it's meant to be. I like that you unashamedly commit to the electronic studio sound. Sometimes people try too hard to make it sound "real" instead, and then it loses the magic/vibe.

Paramnesia - OccamsKrzr

Yeah! I like that you hit the ground running with that rolling, syncopated rhythm, and then go for it the rest of the song. I think after 2 or 3 minutes the song needed something else to keep it going. I don't listen to metal, but really like where progressive metal has gone rhythmically and like what you do with it here. I guess I can hear the drums sound programmed, but whatever, I like the music.

OlliH - Old Vinyl

What a good song. All the playing is really nice and well done. I like your voice, I think it's exact right vibe for this song. Maybe the arranging is little busy before the final solo and verse. I wonder if it's a mixing issue. I'm trying to listen for music, not mixing, but in this case, I think some judicious EQ and verb is needed to both separate and glue the parts. But musically, nothing to suggest, it's all good.