SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC080 April 2024 - Winners announced

[Doc Jon]

I do like these picture themes as it is interesting to see all the different ways in which everyone interprets and creates their tracks – although, as others have said, it does also make judging much harder due to the wide variety of styles to compare

Things I have learned during this month’s competition:
This month I learned how to use the vocal lanes and comping features in Cubase to build a vocal track from several takes. I played through the song three times recording a slightly different vocal each time and then used the lanes/comping to select the best phrases from each section to construct the final vocal

Feedback

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APi_ZZ - Scaffold
This is an interesting track with plenty of different elements to keep the attention. The percussion is definitely a strong point with good use of the stereo field. The track has a nice clear mix and is well produced. I like the contrast between the strings with and without reverb. My only suggestion would have been to have an additional melody line to act as a theme for the track as a whole, but otherwise, well done

bpackard - Framework
Really good intro with those prepared piano type noises. Great choice of sounds and I particularly like the distorted stereo patch that comes in at 0:25. The whole track has an appropriately bleak industrial vibe and is well mixed and produced. Great use of spot sound effects throughout. The contrast at 1:57 works very well as does the soft outro. This would work really well as a soundtrack to a sci-fi movie. My only suggestion would be to boost some of the low frequency drum sounds in the louder passages for even more impact in these sections. Overall an excellent track

Arelem – Torn Down
Excellent production and well mixed track with a suitably industrial vibe. The drums/percussion and bass combo is clearly the strength of this track and the pumping bass mix is a highlight. The other elements in the track work well built around this rhythmic backbone. The melody hook is simple but effective. Overall a track with a LOT of power and impact, although you have clearly gambled on going for a loud mix to achieve this ( LUFS!!)

Crosshatched – Frame For Nothing
A gentle track with some interesting features that grew on me with repeated listens. This is another track that would work well as a sci-fi movie soundtrack, conjuring up images of a post apocalyptic landscape. I think your arrangement is actually OK, new elements were introduced with each cycle of the loop to keep the interest. My only suggestion would be to reduce the volume of the synth bells to push them further back in the mix as they are a little too loud for my taste

Rafitown – Scaffold Theme
This is an interesting track with a great choice of sounds, the drums in particular being a highlight with a wise choice of drum sounds to suit the track, and well mixed with a lovely thump to that kick drum. The piano is well played with an infectious bouncy feel. Your choice of harmonies and chord progressions is clever, such as the phrases at 1:30 and 1:42. There is certainly nothing dull or even conventional about this track, very original and quite unusual, and all the better for it, well done

KukoBass – Scaffold Ska
You have certainly nailed the ska feel with this track. Overall this is very catchy and it gets the feet tapping away nicely and brought a smile to my face. I think the arrangement needs a bit of tweaking as some elements work better than others. I like the vocals, the hard panned ‘scaffold’ seemed a bit odd at first but made sense when the main vocal line appears giving that typical ‘call and response’ effect. The main vocal line is great, I really like the effects that you have used, it does however seem to be panned very slightly off centre and I would have put this right in the centre of the mix. My main criticism with your arrangement would be the lack of low frequency elements in the mix (bass and kick drum) – I could hear a bassline in there but it needed to be much more prominent and I would have chosen an electric rather than upright bass sound and put it right in the centre of the mix rather than slightly panned to one side. The kick drum is also very difficult to hear and needs to be brought forward in the mix. These two changes would give much more impact to the track as a whole. I would have chosen different brass sounds for a more authentic ska feel, perhaps just trumpets as some of the lower brass notes/deeper brass lines do not sound typical for ska style. However there is a very good song in here - it just needs a little more tweaking to make it great!

EsteveCorbera - La Bombeta Al Sostre Del Garatge
The garbled vocals at the start and end of the track are great!! The intro is very effective and grabs the attention immediately. You introduce some well chosen synth sounds initially until that synth guitar patch comes in at 0:49. Unfortunately I do not think that harsh sounding patch works well in the context of this track and it simply overpowers too many of the other elements as it is so loud. Things improve greatly at 1:42 when it disappears and the following section is excellent. The riffing theme at 2:16 is very effective and the mix for the rest of the track sounds very good to my ears

becsei_gyorgy – Architects of Life
Great arrangement and production, crystal clear mix. I did like your use of the Phrygian dominant scale and the way you scattered those effective spot effects hard panned left and right. This is a highly proficient EDM track. My only suggestion would have been to put even more Fx on the lead vocals and add even more distortion to make them really distinct while leaving the backing vocals and harmonies more ‘clean’. I am a big fan of using Synth V for demos and guide vocals and I think there is a very good argument for a little additional editing to improve the expressive nature of the vocals to get them sounding more 'natural' (I think this is only possible with the paid full voice sets and not the limited free versions so obviously does depend on what version you have)

Cdbacksu - Molly
Another standout track this month for being totally unexpected, a great jazz funk style number. Bass line is sublime and a standout feature, it works very well in conjunction with the drums and the different rhythms. You seem to be a very skilled musician from the point of view of the composition, the clever arrangement and the excellent musical performances contained within this track. The track holds the interest all the way through and the freeform style works well with some really interesting chord progressions and harmonies. There is clearly a lot of skill at work here and I really wouldn’t be able to suggest anything to improve it! Track of the month for me (for that bass line alone!)

Voting

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1) Cdbacksu
2) bpackard
3) Rafitown
4) Arelem
5) Gyorgy Becsei

[Arelem]

Hello All,

This month I attempted to write lyrics inspired by the prompt and then build a song around that. I wasn't happy with the lyrics nor my ability to sing them. I ultimately decided to scrap them which was a tough decision but one that I think the track benefitted from. I also had too many elements in the track early on but I was able to slim things down to where they wound up. If there was a lesson this month, it was that sometimes, less is more.

Feedback:

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APi_ZZ - It's a nice enough track but without much of a lead throughout most of the track it feels a bit like background music. That's not particularly a bad thing but it's not something I would actively listen to for that reason. I like the bass and the drums are fun. There's a part in there that almost sounds like a didgeridoo so that was fun.

bpackard - Nice, big cinematic feel to it. The mix sounds good and there's a nice soundstage going on. I think would fit great as a backing track to something.

Crosshatched - The bass sets a nice atmosphere. The lead 'flute' that comes in periodically is a little loud in mix to me. As the track stands now it just has some basic chords and bass with some noodling on top of it without much structure. I guess that lack of structure might be intentional for the sake of the prompt but I feel like the track suffered for it. If you wanted to avoid having a lead, I think the track would benefit from some sort of repeating pattern in the background to help give the listener something to engage with.

Rafitown - There's some fun bounciness going on in the track, maybe some jazz influence. The mix has me a little confused as to what I'm supposed to be listening to. The drums are real quiet except for the (kick?), and when the strings and piano are playing at the same time, they kind of bury each other. A decent idea that I think just needs further refinement.

KukoBass - Fun ska beat to the track. I feel like the upright bass is too quiet in the mix (and it sounds good so I wanna be able to hear it better), in fact, the whole track seems to be tilted toward the high end. The vocals are a little loud too, it kind of startled me when they first came in. It does get a little repetitive but I hit that point at just about the end of the song. Maybe a little extra variation somewhere could help avoid that.

EsteveCorbera - I like aspects of the track for sure. I think that once it gets more intense with the distorted synth (or guitar, not sure) that it would have benefited from a more punchy snare. The stereo image is all over the place which sounds good in my headphones but might not sound too good in other environments (just something to be aware of). The rythum is great and as an EDM type track, I could definitely see this fitting into a club setting. It's maybe a bit 90s but hey, retro is in.

becsei_gyorgy - Good call and response with the different synths, vocals, and power tools. Your track definitely fits the prompt this month. Good amount of variation and the mix sounds good (as your tracks always do). Nice job.

Doc Jon - The guitar sounds great, I had to check to see if it was a VST or played. The lyrics tell a story and fit the prompt for sure. I like your vocals even if you don't, they fit the genre well. I was getting a little bored after about the 3-minute mark but it picked back up for me after 4:30.

Cdbaksu - I don't know how much feedback I can provide on this one. It's a bit all over the place for me. I like the different elements for sure. I think it's a bit too freeform for my tastes. The playing is nice though and levels feel appropriate. The flute is maybe a tad too loud for me but I tend to be sensitive to higher pitches so that might just be me. To help appeal to a broader audience, some kind of throughline might help keep the listener's attention.

Vote:

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1st - Doc Jon
2nd - Becsei gyorgy
3rd - KukoBass
4th - Rafitown
5th - Cdbaksu

[Crosshatched]

Comments:
I hope my comment are helpful enough.

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APi_ZZ -- Scaffold

The introductory atmosphere really comes through, and then the contrasts, especially around 1:00 and 2:30 are nice. I think the organization probably rests upon the intro, these contrasts, and on getting the atmosphere right. It might be too loose a structure for me, at least after the first 2 minutes.
I like the quick notes and rhythm when the strings take the melody in the first section of the song.
I like the sound and sound selection.
(Though like always, I could complain about orchestra and choir libraries... just the nature of these things.)

bpackard -- Framework
Altogether, I really like the development and cohesion and the atmosphere of this piece. The organization/structure/plot is perfectly convincing.
Drumroll and foley sounds seem perfect and bring in atmosphere.
Fakeout intro -- ! Then you introduce the piano/musicbox soundworld briefly. It's cool when that soundworld returns to be developed later.
I think the best part of the ostinato is when it has the harmonically spicy dissonances. The layering going on here is also quite good. It might be just a bit too long on the ostinato before introducing strings, maybe.
Nice 'ghost lady' soloist.

arelem -- Torn Down
Nice subtle crescendo at the beginning, though a bit long.
I most like the section around 1:20 - 1:55 and the change in timbre.
I think the elements are put together really well, though it may be too slow or static for me.

Rafitown -- Scaffold Theme
For the first 10 seconds, I have to keep guessing what is up.
So is this a theme to a mystery show or a comedy?
I wonder if I have to keep guessing too much, though. Is this really a theme? It has jazz, but almost too fleeting a structure.

KukoBass -- Scaffold Ska
The vocals are just a little unclear. The presenter's voice is still a nice effect, but the singing especially is too muddy. I like the horns and the overall groove. This song is quite listenable.

EsteveCorbera -- LaBombetaAlSostreDelGaratge
It's interesting how you make a reverb effect into a sort of percussion. This works in part because you are starting from silence. Then you work up to chaos and stereo effects (I'm listening through headphones, so I can't say if they work out of headphones.)

becsei_gyorgy -- Architects of Life
I like the song and atmosphere itself. I like the main instruments and the details added just in a particular bar.
The vocals not quite clear or prominent enough, which is due to recording or mixing, but the singing itself is satisfying and suits the stirring tone of the music.
You might want to work on other aspects of mixing, but I'm no expert.

Doc Jon -- Crane Town Man
They say we're getting old -- I like the expression at the end of the line, also 'and then we're done'.
Nice break, too, especially at the end. The music is delightful.
The rest of the song is, of course, interesting combination of lyrics and music. There seems to be some irony there, but the irony itself turns as we conclude that there is definitely work that still requires actual workers (as indeed seems to be the case.)

Cdbaksu -- Molly
I like the woodwind and its trills. The jazzy atmosphere all holds together well and I think serves as good organization for the piece as well. The various levels of twanginess in the synths is interesting. Do you adjust the settings of any synth as the song progresses, (like with automation lanes), or does this result from different tracks or from different velocities?

Rankings:

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From 1st to 5th place, or 5 points to 1 point:

Doc Jon
bpackard
Cdbaksu
Rafitown
becsei_gyorgy

Personal Reflections
The parts of my song still do not seem to flow into each other seamlessly...
I still like the synths... and how easy it was to change velocities in the piano roll to add drama... though I didn't distinguish the different sections nearly as much as I could.
Next up: Sometime I want to try the famous strategy to take some EDM song, reverse-engineer its structure, and fill-in-the-blanks with my own notes and instruments. I need to be so much more fluent with strategizing how to structure songs.

[KukoBass]

Hello everybody,

my experience this month was that a good mix will take time, no matter, if I use mixing tools or not.
I had only time for writing and producing at the beginning of the month. Then a new assignment started, and I had neither the time nor energy to work on the track. When the deadline came closer, I had to rush things and finish the song in one half day of the weekend. I recorded the vocals, slapped on the effects and mixed everything in the same session. I should have left the mixing to another day, starting with "fresh ears".

Feedback

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APi_ZZ - Scaffold
A calm song, reminding me of 70ies crime show themes. I like the symmetrical structure of the song, it fits the theme very well.
I'm not a fan of the choir; otherwise, all instruments are good or (strings) adequate choices; we need to work with the libraries we have after all.
The only thing I'm missing is a more leading and memorable melody.
The mix sounds clear and gives every instrument their own space.

Arelem - Torn Down
Your soundscape reminds me more of a space theme than a construction site, but that is not meant negatively. I like the pictures the song evokes in my mind. I think the intro might be a bit too long. The production on the other hand is superb; the bass is subtly pumping without overdoing this. Every element has its own space in the mix. I think the idea "less is more" is executed very well in this track.

becsei_gyorgy - Architects of Life
This song sounds as if Kraftwerk had collaborated with some more modern EDM band on a construction site of a robot factory.
I think the production could benefit from a break or a subtle variation of the rhythm; it is very intense and goes through the whole song without giving the listener much space to breathe.
I really like the lyrics, especially "each block a story, each layer a tale". The sound, mix and arrangement are very well done.

bPackard - Framework
A really cinematic track, it would make indeed good music for a trailer. It fits the photo you chose for illustration very well.
About the arrangement: I feel that the abrupt break between the Intro and Act I (? around 0:32) is disrupting the listening experience a little. Otherwise, the arrangement works well.
The instruments and libraries you used are very fitting for the atmosphere you set in the song. The production and the mix turned out really great.

Cdbaksu - Molly
Wow!
I'm in no way qualified to judge this, so I'll just comment some subjective observations: I like the complexity of the rhythms and changes in metrum, contrasting with the light-hearted melody. Production and mix sound great. Without disrespect to the song in its whole, I specially liked the quiet part (starting around 4:11) towards the end.

Crosshatched - Frame for nothing
A calm and very atmospheric song.
I like the title of the piece, it fits the theme and the atmosphere of the song. Both inspire mental images.
The only improvement I can think of: The end leaves one hanging, you could repeat the starting motif one last time, perhaps a little slower.
The arrangement and the mix sound good to me.

Doc Jon - Crane Town Man
The song has a little country music vibes and a touch of Dire Straits. The combination between lyrics and music works very well.
Maybe the song would do better without the second repetition of the chorus (the one starting around 2:44).
I like it very much when your voice switches between singing and almost talking. The production and mix sound flawless to me.

Esteve Corbera - La Bobeta Al Sostre Del Garatge
This song sounds very different from your usual works. In the intro, the sounds remind me of The Prodigy.
My favourite part starts around 1:42, when you use more "classical" synth sounds. I could imagine myself dancing to this in a club (when I was younger).
Mix and arrangement sound OK to me, maybe the kick drum could have been a little more punchy.

Rafitown - Scaffold Theme
A very well crafted, interesting piece of music. I was surprised to hear a pretty classic instrumentation for a quite technical theme
Parts of the song remind me a little of Brahms Hungarian Dances. From my subjective point of view, the hi-hats don't fit the otherwise more orchestral and cinematic drums and percussion. I also feel that the song just ends without a distinctive ending.
I like the percussive approach to the piano lines.
Mix and production sound good to me.

My Top 5
Due to the open genre and the many different approaches to the theme, it was very difficult to pick a Top 5. My choice was subjectively influenced by the genres I like more; it says nothing about the quality of the song if it doesn't appear in the list.

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1. Crosshatched - Frame for nothing
2. Cdbaksu - Molly
3. Doc Jon - Crane Town Man
4. becsei_gyorgy - Architects of Life
5. Esteve Corbera - La Bobeta Al Sostre Del Garatge

[Mister Fox]

A friendly reminder:
We're in the final 24 hours to submit your feedback and cast your vote.


Please check post #035 regarding the feedback and voting mechanic. Giving feedback is mandatory (the only criteria to become disqualified). Please don't let yourself be put at a disadvantage by not participating (fully). The Songwriting Competition lives from the given feedback towards each other. Don't just "collect" and then move on - this is unfair to all other participants.

Outside feedback is welcome, of course.

[Cdbaksu]

For me this month’s game was a great opportunity to tread new waters and also get the chance to interact with a new community of like-minded people. While the former was a really enjoyable process, the latter was quite disappointing overall.

The vibes of inadequacy, self-doubt, and just lack of musical prowess permeated throughout the previous feedback sections - with some even conceding artistic ineptitude and the surrendering of even the most basic insight such as reading the blurb we were supposed to attach to the compositions. Thus leaving them to rely on only their poor interpretation skills and, generally, missing the mark entirely.

For the most part, the entries displayed evidence of fundamental musical nescience that the kind of trivial “the kick is too loud”-type of advice would not bring them nearer to any sort of standard.

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APi_ZZ - Scaffold:
And we’re off to a pretty rough start with this one. Besides the non existing form, melodies, groove, or anything to latch on to unfortunately, the track is also crudely mixed and features a lamentable selection of instruments. Harmonic movement is also paltry, and gave an overall sense of a down-market composition.

Arelem - Torn Down:
Though the sound design is quite average with some elements of filtering and layers of rise’n’falls, the harmonic choices between the synth arps and bass-line really let this one down. With a lack of grace, it denotes a musical obliviousness that tried to be overshadowed by production elements. It’s only towards the very last 45 seconds that the track starts grooving a little bit, despite still sporting the unfortunate vacant harmony.

Becsei Gyorgy - Architects of Life:
From the very get go, even before the regrettable vocals come in, the exposition paints a miserable picture of dread and anguish. The unison chorus, the little extra vocal interventions, the colorless mix, and the slothful ending made this track a real chore to listen to. Enduring through it three times over while collecting my thoughts I realized these are ten minutes I’ll never get back.

bpackard - Framework:
The overall vibes of Trailer 101 and a poor-man’s Fallout 4 OST enveloping this track were later offset by the build-up with a good use of the mixed choir and extra vocals in what felt like two distinct pieces: while the first half was an ordinary attempt to go with the current fad, the later part was decent.

Crosshatched - Frame For Nothing:
What’s the difference between noodling and composing? The answer is clearly unknown with this track. For a “songwriting competition” this entry is completely stinted in my opinion.

DocJon - Crane Town Man:
Finally a semblance of a song with some character! There are qualities of the guitar playing, the lyrics, and the singing, that make this a stand-out track betwixt a sea of undistinguished entries. Good job on actually writing a song and hitting the brief.

Esteve Corbera - La Bombeta:
What was thought to be driving and pushing things, moving along, turned out to be a jarringly mixed caterwaul. Unlettered harmonic dissonance and heedless production.

KukoBass - Scaffold Ska:
A short track filled with racket and babel in an effort to perhaps convey humor, at least presents a trace of melody, harmony, and form. A decent job overall.

Rafitown - Scaffold Theme:
Scattered elements that are completely stagnant, along with a shoestring motif make this a palid attempt at a composition.

► Show Spoiler

01 - DocJon - Crane Town Man
02 - bpackard - Framework
03 - KukoBass - Scaffold Ska
04 - Rafitown - Scaffold Theme
05 - Arelem - Torn Down

[KukoBass]

For the most part, the entries displayed evidence of fundamental musical nescience that the kind of trivial “the kick is too loud”-type of advice would not bring them nearer to any sort of standard.

Wow.

If I read the rules right we are supposed to give constructive feedback, namely

• ...
• You are also asked to give feedback to at least five (number: 5) entries (tiered mechanic) -- things that stood out to you, providing some final thoughts and constructive feedback for possible improvements. ...

Any "the kick is too loud"-type of advice is more suitable to evoke further improvement than your "this song lacks everything that makes out a song"-type of condescending down talk you unfortunately decided to pour into this forum.

What exactly distinguishes your "feedback" from online bullying?

[bpackard]

What exactly distinguishes your "feedback" from online bullying?

You said what we're all thinking. I came here to receive and give constructive, actionable feedback (to my best ability). The last vote contained none of that. If I wanted mean spirited, and ultimately trite comments about mine or anyone else's efforts, I'd join a FB group. Glad to know I'm not alone in this. Every track had its strengths.

[EsteveCorbera]

Good night,

Thank you all for participating. It's a pleasure to enjoy such a variety of music.
This time I wanted to do something different and I let myself be deceived by my son who wanted a very powerful part, which turned out to be the part you liked the least.
This month he learned how to get more out of Reason's backend cables (they're like routing in other DAWs, I guess). I connected a player called BeatMap to the Kong percussion instrument and at the same time to two Thor synthesizers that played percussive sounds and at the same time the Kong sounds were routed to a distortion effect.

I leave you comments at a fairly basic level.

Api_ZZ - Scaffold
The first part of your theme grows in interest as you listen to it, but there comes a point (approx. 0:53) that doesn't develop any further. It seems stagnant. You're waiting for something else to happen that doesn't happen.
The treatment of the bass is too exaggerated, there are times when the bass eats the rest.
The voices seem out of tune to me.
The most rhythmic part is the most interesting part.

Bpackard - Framework
What a theme!!!
This one sounds very cinematic. With this you have won me over!!
At first I figured you made the track by taking samples and doing a copy/paste because it actually sounded very real. But then I saw the description of the instruments you use and I was blown away. I would love to have this domain.
Few costs I would say to improve. Maybe the breaks are too long..

Arelem - Torn Down
I like the electronic tone, powerful. The effects, the laughs. Sounds like a good mix to me. Maybe a little too strong. Good idea to open up the frequency spectrum as the intro progresses.

Crosshatched - Frame for Nothing (Scaffolding)
Curious composition. Very cinematic. From a suspense or horror film.
THE sound of the bells is a bit distracting, maybe the volume should be turned down, but I like the sound environment in the background. The song gets better on repeated listens.

Rafitown - ScaffoldTheme
IT IS an original and different theme. I like the orchestral part of the background. Good piano performance. As an improvement I would say to add more reverb to the percussion. The wind session might need to be worked on to give it more realism.

KukoBass - Scaffold_Ska_v5
Very original theme. Looks like we're at a street party. I like the vocals, even though you say you couldn't record them well, I think the work you did is fine.
As something to improve I would suggest adding reverberation to the instruments because they sound too close, and too artificial which would improve with a little more variation in speed.

becsei_gyorgy - Architects_of_Life
I take off my hat. I like this danceable style. The vocals are also very good, but in the end they end up not being very original, they remind me of other songs of yours. Maybe improve the rhythms with more breaks?

DocJon - CraneTownMan
I like these guitars and the roughness of the main voice (the colleagues are right to remember Dire Straits). I also like the comeback. I can tell you few things to improve, maybe it lasts too long. I'm sorry I can't comment on the lyrics but my level of English doesn't allow me to.

Cdbaksu - Molly
Good job. I like the details you provide in your presentation. Unfortunately I don't like this style of music and it's hard for me to connect with it. good mix Lots of complexity in the rhythms. All this is beyond me and I wouldn't know what to tell you to improve.

Thanks.

(translated with google, sorry for the imperfections that the translation may contain)

► Show Spoiler

01 bpackard - Framework
02 Doc Jon - CraneTownMan
03 becsei_gyorgy - Architects_of_Life
04 Arelem - Torn Down
05 KukoBass - Scaffold_Ska_v5

[Arelem]

What exactly distinguishes your "feedback" from online bullying?

Glad to know I'm not alone in this. Every track had its strengths.

Nope, you're certainly not alone. Every track does have its strengths and one of the better aspects of the community here is that there is a focus on improvement. To me, it sounds like cdbaksu is not a fan of music, but a fan of specific types of music and has a hard time being objective about their listening.
I found their feedback to becsei gyorgy especially egregious: "Enduring through it three times over while collecting my thoughts I realized these are ten minutes I’ll never get back."
What is constructive about this? The answer is nothing.