SONGWRITING COMPETITION - SWC085 September 2024 - Winners announced

[EsteveCorbera]

Good night,

As always thank you all for participating and thank you Mister Fox for organizing this competition.
Thank you all for the comments and votes you have given me so far.
This month I learned that order when composing is very important. You will say that this is obvious, and I have always done everything in order, but I had not been fully aware of it until now.
Let me explain: when I started making this track, the first versions were a series of improvisations on some chords. But the layers I had improvised were of different lengths and things started and ended without meaning, without being connected or related to each other. After several unsuccessful versions, I redid the entire structure, lengthening or shortening things, until they matched. Once everything was sorted and lined up, the theme got a lot better.

Thank you

I leave you comments about your works:

burakxmusic "Echoes In The Night"
great sound Lots of stereo range. good mix Good vocal part, sounds great with those reverbs and is very well executed.
On a compositional level, you expect something that never quite arrives. Comrade OlliH expressed it very well.
But I like the structure of the song, it's really very different from what we're used to and it expresses your intentions very well.

TrojakEW "Mind Prison"
Wow, what a great start!! I was absolutely hooked. I really like this ethnic and melancholic tone. But it ends too soon, less than 2 minutes is too little for this wonder that seems to have been your theme. I want to hear more. It's a shame that in the end it just seems like an introduction to a song that has to come and doesn't end up coming. Between minute 1:00 and 1:20 it fascinates me.
It would be perfect as an accompaniment to a film.
One day I will have to try the 'Ethera Gold Sahara Voices' bookstore because I already like it when becsei_gyorgy used it.

APi_ZZ "Reconciliation"
An infinite heart!! Very suggestive topic. I listened to it by closing my eyes and letting myself be transported to a distant place. I like the flutes they play but they don't mark a specific melody, as if they were carried by the wind that goes well. I also like the distant bells.
Things I would change: Some low frequency sounds are too present in some parts of your theme. The endless chorus takes your breath away, it would need some pause, otherwise, as the song progresses, my heart was oppressed by suffering.
But I like your proposal.

Dasein "Black Sunset" (updated)
Very emotional topic. Divided into several parts that can musically describe what you discuss in the initial comments of your topic presentation. There is desperation in the matter of music. I like your proposal.
Just as a comment, around the 3:00 mark there is something strange, but possibly intentional, that distracts me.
The mix seems right to me.

Elcubano "Distress"
Good job with the guitars, if we consider that you also play them.
It's hard for me to comment on your topic because I'm not used to studying music of this type.
My opinion: Maybe I would give more power to the drums and maybe shorten the final part a little or lower the power of the guitars, because at the end I have a feeling of tiredness.

PonySho wrote "Little Blue Ships"
Interesting sound experiments with voices. You play with the panorama and with the depth placement that varies all the time. It's a risky experiment, because at times it works really well and at others it's distracting and takes you out of the song (this is just a personal impression, not a negative criticism).

Koekepan "Misguided Meditations"
Very original theme. The voice is really part of the instrumentation of the song. I'm sorry but I can't comment on the lyrics of what this voice is saying, due to the distortion (very accurate) and my poor knowledge of the language (you know, I use the translator to talk to you).
I find the musical part interesting. Great bass work and ambient effects, very well mixed.

OlliH "Tämmönen"
It's been a while since we've seen or heard from you.
Personal and very recognizable style. It immediately reminded me of your other presentations.
It's a shame that this month's theme doesn't allow it, but I've missed your humorous songs. Luckily, with the comments you make to the other colleagues, you made me laugh (which would make my heart faint from stretching my voice so much).
Structure your topic right. I like the guitar a little deep. wow The drums sound pretty good too. And the voice, yours...
You show that with few things you can make music. Funny that it's your first and only version. I had to do 11. There is a level here. Very well

(translated with google, sorry for the imperfections that the translation may contain)

► Show Spoiler

01 TrojakEW "Mind Prison"
02 Koekepan "Misguided Meditations"
03 Dasein "Black Sunset" (updated)
04 APi_ZZ "Reconciliation"
05 burakxmusic "Echoes In The Night"

[PonySho]

Koekepan: Misguided Meditations
First off, I love the ....I should clarify that the lyrics were effectively a pastiche of jungian psychoanalytic jargon (just as well since most of Jung is obsolete) and in no way adheres to Jung's real views, so much as what some of his would-be followers take from his writings. I'm not a jungian anyway (nor a neo-jungian) but I did study psychology, so I drew on that content for the purposes of these vocals.

Thanks for the clarification. It's a very interesting angle that you've come from and I like how you've woven Jung's views into the music. It's so easy for songwriters to create 'derivative' music that just sounds like everything else out there - I'm guilty of this. It takes a lot to move in a different direction as you have.

[Koekepan]

Koekepan "Misguided Meditations"
Very original theme. The voice is really part of the instrumentation of the song. I'm sorry but I can't comment on the lyrics of what this voice is saying, due to the distortion (very accurate) and my poor knowledge of the language (you know, I use the translator to talk to you).
I find the musical part interesting. Great bass work and ambient effects, very well mixed.

Thank you! I put the lyrics in my original post, so you can look at them in translated form, if you like - but while they are thematically relevant I believe that you will find this track appropriate regardless.

[OlliH]

... but I've missed your humorous songs.

Glad to hear! Actually, also this one had some humour baked into it, but as it was sarcastic introvert humour to a small one person's target group (me), I guess it don't seem that funny to other people.

Funny that it's your first and only version. I had to do 11.

Actually I had different versions even with totally diifferent melody lines and chord progresssion. What I meant, that it was the first and the last version that I submitted to this competition.

[APi_ZZ]

(a) I didn't read the descriptions (and thus eventually no lyrics -- making those then irrelevant for me beyond their musical contribution).
And I shy from doing so, because I (mostly) don't like music (or art or poems for that) functioning only /better with additional explanations or instructions.

(b) I have no decent clue what music is truly relevant for the given Mental Health theme; so I just comment the subjective musical impact on me.

(c) I am not capable /competent enough to judge technical or production sophistications, so don't expect them.

I am delighted about the wide range of interpretations of the theme, showing me that there seem to be no restricting rules.

Comments (sorry, they are short and subjective)

► Show Spoiler

@burakxmusic
Pleasant ethereal sound conception, vocals drown a bit in reverb, but that might be conceptual. The occasional pumping volume irritates a bit.

@Dasein
Being the longest track in this round, it cleverly takes its time to develop and spread some guitar/strings driven mood(s) for an immersive experience, impressive.

@Elcubano
The heavy rock /metal approach is well executed, very fitting (multiple?) guitars build a solid wall of sound. Slightly unmotivated ending, could be a bridge but just fades.

@EsteveCorbera
"When returning from work" says Google translator ... well. Mighty hovering pad layers create a soft scifi or even dream-like mood, suited for for near five minutes of being somewhere else.

@Koekepan
Even without understanding the spoken recitations the track creates a slightly spooky but captivating atmosphere

@OlliH
An entertaining, even kinda happy sounding pop tune, sounding as from the sixties, captivating, nice dramatic excursion in the final part.

@PonySho
The vocal-heavy tune with its call-and-response and harmony singing, the changing parts of calm and exited, create a varied, and thus captivating experience.

@TrojakEW
The heavy strings overlaid with oriental wordless chants creates a deep and touching atmosphere, less than two minutes makes it a bit short though ...

My Top Five

► Show Spoiler

01 @Dasein
02 @EsteveCorbera
03 @PonySho
04 @TrojakEW
05 @OlliH

[Dasein]

Hi, I appreciate your songs, very varied and interesting. Also I appreciate your feedback, but I'll talk about that later. These days, have been days of musical growth and have helped me to be aware of some things that I wasn't aware of. All of that has motivated me to keep editing and improving the quality of what I create through edition.

Related to the part of giving feedback, I have to say that I'm not an expert in editing and production, but I do know about structure and composition. So I will give you my humble one:


Mind Prison: Interesting song, Nice background and chord progression, Gives a feeling of being in the middle of the forest, in the middle of the mist, while in the distance a flute sounds, and maybe that's what is missing, a wind instrument that complements that feeling of loneliness, giving it a tone of hope in the middle of the emptiness of the forest.

Conciliation: Interesting song, good for meditation, you can feel the sound effects and the layers. The flute is well added. However, at times the echoing screams are a bit too loud. If the aim of the song is to create a relaxed, meditative atmosphere in a Tibetan temple, then I have nothing to say, you did a great job (remembering that echo's screams are a bit too loud in general).

Distress: System of a Down vibes. Interesting intro: pain, sadness, anguish. Then Paramore vibes. This style of song calls for a screaming lead vocal in the middle of the chaos. A raspy, destructive voice would give the song another level. It would deliver a message, because if I didn't know what the competition is about and the reason of your composition, I would have no idea what your song is about, I would just listen to it (on a Spotify playlist for example) and say, mmm interesting, next....

Al Tornar de la Feina: Mmmm, interesting. The main strings give it a nice touch, but I'd definitely turn them down and let the background elements shine more. Also add a violin or a wind instrument in between to say: Hello, this is my message, I want to provoke this emotion in you.

Little Blue Ships: Good song. Interesting chords and message. However, I would leave a little space without vocals at the beginning as an introduction. Suddenly silences speak more than voices, When everything is message, there is no message, only words. So I would leave certain spaces without voices to give small pauses. That's the reason why some songs stay in the collective memory. Because they deliver a single message and leave the right spaces to think and to enjoy. Additionally, it also lacks a progressive conclusion, the song ends abruptly and that sometimes makes songs ‘forgettable’. A good intro, space for melodies and a good conclusion would give your song another level.

Misguided Meditation: Mmmm. Interesting effects. Relaxing. The voice accompanies well. Nice progression at 2:44. However the song deserves a progression earlier. It's a song that at first tells you, it's going to be a carousel of emotions, but then gets lost in monotony. The song needs at least 3 moments where the intensity rises and causes you a different emotion than just: here I am with my melody, it's good, but it's all I've got. No need to rework the song, but increase the tempos, raise the scale and deliver something on the plateau. Personal opinion of course xd

Tämmönen: Good song. It's a well accomplished song. I have little to criticize. The professionalism and experience shows. The pauses are clever, and unlike other songs, the chords don't fit in with the vocals. The volumes and equalisation are well done. If I had to add something to raise the level, it would be a second, deeper voice playing in the background, and you can feel how it contrasts with the lead vocal.

Another thing that would definitely raise the level (and that answers the question: why some songs succeed and others don't) would be that at 1:05, the song would raise its energy instead of lowering it, singing ‘Tämmönen, Tämmonen’... in a progression towards the highs and with all the instruments in a faster tempo. And then continuing with the song at 1:57. Giving the song a chance to go up a full scale again at 2:37 in a very intense way, before going down again in a poetic way (Same as 1:57 to 2:33) and concluding with some chords in a progression towards silence.

Echoes in the Night: In a bar, with neon lights, listening to the beautiful lead vocal. Great. The message gets through. However, unlike other songs in the competition, your song needs to slow down rather than suburbs, give a moment to breathe. and Yes, the song ends abruptly, it could very well last twice as long, with the right silences and breaks and a nice, progressive conclusion.

Votes

► Show Spoiler

1. OlliH, Tämmonen
2. Burakxmusic, Echoes in The Night
3. Api_ZZ, Conciliation
4. TrojakEW, Mind Prison
5. Elcubano, Distress

Reflection

► Show Spoiler

I appreciate your feedback. Thanks to it, I've been able to see some things that I hadn't been able to previously. Like the need for a decibel progression in the first minutes of the song or certain melodies that are sometimes missing to carry a better thread. I'll work on that to improve the quality of the song. P.S: I think when I first posted I should have said that the song was instrumental only, I think some people were expecting some vocals to appear at some point, sorry for that.

[Mister Fox]

I am quickly stepping in, before this goes a bit out of control.


@APi_ZZ
I noticed that you didn't add a "reflection for this month" section to your feedback.


@Dasein
Multiple things. Please edit your votes so that it's listing the songwriters, not the song names. This is extra work for me, and with some months we do have the same song names. So it's hard to figure out what is what. Additionally, there is no "reflection on one's experience" section in your feedback either. And please also update your entry's post to at least list what instruments you've used, so that it's in line with all other entries.



Thank you, everyone.

[Mister Fox]

A friendly reminder:
We're in the final 24 hours to submit your feedback and cast your vote.

As of this moment, 3 participants are missing (@burakxmusic, @Elcubano, @TrojakEW)


Please check post #041 regarding the feedback and voting mechanic. Giving feedback is mandatory (the only criteria to become disqualified). Please don't let yourself be put at a disadvantage by not participating (fully). The Songwriting Competition lives from the given feedback towards each other. Don't just "collect" and then move on - this is unfair to all other participants.

Outside feedback is welcome, of course.

[Elcubano]

This month I did an instrumental music, with many leads guitar to replace vocals... as I'm not able to sing.
For me, this month's objective was to improve my mixing skills in a metal style and try out some new mixing tips, and that's what I've done.
I think the latest version of mixing is better than the first.
I tested the addictive drums features to send drum elements directly into the daw, did it for snare and kick and was able to adjust the eq and volume according to the song passages with some automation.
I also used multiband compressor with sidechain between the kick and the bass guitar, to reduce the bass when a kick arrives.
I got some good advice ! Thank you

My Feedback :

► Show Spoiler

Burakxmusic, EchoesOfTheNight
Great start to the track, the instruments used and the effects are very well chosen, the melody and the nuances in the voice are really interesting, the percussive rhythm really sets the mood....
All the elements build up one after the other in a very intelligent way, a very fine construction.
I was expecting one or 2 extra melodic passages, but I think it ends too quickly.

TrojakEW, Mind prison
The sound design is always impressive in the prods I've listened to from you, and here it is again.
The voice brings an emotion and a sadness, it transports immediately in another place... It could very well be the music for a film scene.
We'd like to hear more, but it ends too quickly for my taste

APi_ZZ, Consiliation
Relaxing, the choruses with the resonant percussion give the impression of being in a place out of time, the flute guides us along the way.
I see it as relaxation music with no real structure or evolution, which goes some way to explaining the track's length... Well done, for the purpose of de-stressing.


Dassein, Black Sunset
Beautiful chord progression, the slightly shifted placement gives an impression of fragility, but also the impression of jamming on your keyboard...
The track's progression is interesting, each change telling a bit of a story, but it lacks a voice to accompany the music. And the tones and volumes seem out of the mix from time to time.
The end of the track seems a little too improvised, as if the recording had been done in a single take, perhaps deliberately to accentuate the emotional side.


Esteve Corbera, Al Tornar De La Feina
Good sound design, futuristic atmosphere, a bit of sci-fi effects.
The same atmosphere is constant throughout, with chords following one another, there's no real melodic line, a certain tension is constantly present.
This is music that could be integrated into a visual, or accompany a narrative, a reading... but without additional support, something is missing to guide the listening experience.


PonySho, Little Blue Ships
Great song again! Lots of variation in the song, the mix is really very good, very airy, lots of details in the vocal mix, and in the sounds used for the drums, and the choice of instruments, super original!
The electro passages with the bass synth are super cool, and the guitar playing very interesting, I wasn't expecting this style of guitar at all, it works well. The solo is nice too.
And the vocals are classy with great lyrics.
For me, this is a complete song on all levels, Bravo!

Koekepan, Misguided Meditations
Very original, from what I understand the song was built very quickly, impressive.
And the gear used to make it is very unusual for me, thanks for sharing the photos.
A lot of originality in this piece, with the voice in the background very filtered,
accompanied by a melodic layer and arpeggios punctuated by a bass line that structures the song.
All this creates a very particular, apocalyptic atmosphere, as if we were listening to the remains of a testimony on audio cassette.
Very interesting production.

OlliH, Tammomen
Nice song, very well constructed, the build-up at 2min is really classy.
There's a traditional feel to the melodies, and a rock feel to the sounds, I really like it.
I find the mix very qualitative, perfectly recorded and mixed. The clean guitar sound is very nice, very warm, with the chorus and tremollo.

My top 5

► Show Spoiler

1 - PonySho, Little Blue Ships
2 - OlliH, Tammomen
3 - Koekepan, Misguided Meditations
4 - TrojakEW, Mind prison
5 - Burakxmusic, EchoesOfTheNight

[burakxmusic]

First of all, I am very happy to be here. Thank you for allowing me to freely express my music.

I really enjoyed being on such a platform and the criticisms made. In the future, I want to continue as a producer of my own compositions and I will also participate in other competitions here. As for Echoes of the night, I want to finish my work on it and publish it soon.


Spoiler message

► Show Spoiler

Here is my commentary
TrojakEW
Mind Prison
It's a nice song. Sound has taken me to wonderful places. But I think there is a need for a musical infrastructure that needs to be developed. I also think it could make a nice soundtrack.

APi_ZZ
Conciliation
It starts impressively, but the same melody prevails for a very long time. This reduces the impressiveness. I would expect you to create a wider stereo field as a mixing preference. Thank you for your efforts.

Dasein
Black Sunset
The repetitive melodies create a nice numbing state, but it could have been fueled by effects. For example, I would expect an artistic reverb to be used.

Elcubano67
Distress
It starts with beautiful guitar tones, then you expect a rise, but that rise doesn't come. I would have expected a different rise. I didn't see it compatible with the concept.

EsteveCorberaT
Al Tornar De La Feina

It's a nice ambiance but I can't call it a song. It did not satisfy me harmonically. I liked the mix.

PonySho
Little Blue Ships
A beautiful melody. It reminded me of British sounds. I think the mix could have been more creative. The overall song energy is nice.

Koekepan
Misguided Meditations
Good for meditation. In terms of mixing, I couldn't get any depth as all the sounds were coming from the front. It could be better with a better mix.

OlliH
Tämmönen
It's a warm song but the vocals could have been better. That sounds good. It can be made great by working on it.

Spoiler message

► Show Spoiler

Here is my ranking of the top 5.
1 - Dasein Black Sunset
2 - Elcubano67
3 - Koekepan, Misguided Meditations
4 - TrojakEW- Mind Prison
5 - OlliH, Tammomen